


We Can Turn It Into Gold

by maschinenmensch



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: AU Fic, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Holtzbert - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Holtzmann, This fic is tropey as hell, Yeah there might be smut in here too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-19 19:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9457343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maschinenmensch/pseuds/maschinenmensch
Summary: One slight movement changes the future of the Ghostbusters. Can Erin help Holtzmann face a reality that neither were prepared for?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've always been fascinated by the idea that changing one small action can greatly alter the future as we currently know it. So I took this concept and applied it to a particular scene in the film
> 
> Yes, I am mean to Holtzmann again - this might just be my aesthetic? This first chapter is probably the hardest to read out of all of them. I promise it will get much, much better.

“I got you baby, I got you.”

Holtzmann’s head was still spinning from Abby throwing her across the room moments earlier. Or whatever was inside Abby. Because she knew that was not her friend in the window above her, struggling with Patty while she held on for dear life.

“Oh my god, help me.”

Holtzmann was gripping one of Patty’s hands, the other currently occupied in an attempt to hold off Not!Abby.

_ Oh shit, oh god. I can’t hang on much longer… _

The engineer felt her hands start to slip . She kicked her legs in an attempt to get a foothold on something, anything.

“Patty…”

At that moment Abby’s fist connected square with Patty’s jaw. Instinctively the historian’s arms came up to protect her face. 

Holtzmann lost her grip.

Her fall in reality took less than 2 seconds, but for Holtzmann it felt like a lifetime.

The feeling of the wind through her hair…

Patty’s anguished cry from the window above…

And the last conscious thought she had:  _ Erin. I should have told her how I felt. Should have told her how much I lov- _

Holtzmann hit the pavement with a sickening thud.

* * *

Erin sighed.

Her emotions had run the gamut today. From the fear when they encountered Rowan in the basement of the Mercado, to the relief and sense of accomplishment when the man offed himself due to their detective work. It went downhill from there, migrating into despair and anger, first led out of the hotel in handcuffs (even though it was a ruse), to being humiliated on television, her very intelligence and sanity questioned for all to see.

She absent-mindedly flipped through Rowan’s copy of  _ Ghosts From Our Past _ while sitting on her bed, mulling over what direction her life should take now. She paused when she saw a plethora of notes scribbled in the margins of several pages. She flipped through the book faster, stopping in horror at the crude drawings of Rowan and a legion of ghosts that filled several pages.

_ Does this mean what I think it means… _

Erin’s phone ringing interrupted her building panic. She leaned over to where it was resting on her nightstand and sighed in relief when she saw it was Patty calling.

“Erin, baby…”

“Patty! Oh thank god it’s you! Listen, we have to get ready, Rowan’s not dead. Well he is but, that was part of his plan all along…”

“Erin.”

“We have to go back to the hotel. To the machine. Somehow that’s the key. He’ll access it somehow. Patty, this is…”

“ERIN!”

The physicist stopped talking, noticing the tone of Patty’s voice. It sounded...pained.

“Patty? What’s wrong?”

Erin heard a shaky breath on the other line that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

“It’s Holtzmann. There was - there was an accident.”

Erin felt her heart drop straight into her stomach. “An accident? What kind of accident? Is she ok?”

“It’s not good baby. She’s not good.”

She closed her eyes, trying to prevent the tears spilling down her cheeks as Patty continued.

“She fell out the window of the restaurant. It’s...complicated. You need to get here Erin. You need to get here quick.”

“Where is she?” Erin had never heard her own voice so unsteady in her life.

“Holtzy’s at New York Presbyterian in Lower Manhattan. Abby and I are here already.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Erin ended the call and leaned forward, her face in her hands.

_ Don’t freak out yet Gilbert. You need to be strong. _

_ You need to be strong for the woman you love. _

* * *

Erin tried not to run when she burst through the entrance to the ER waiting room. But when she saw Patty sitting on a couch, holding an icepack to her jaw with Abby’s head in her lap while laying on her back, she couldn’t help herself.

“Oh my god, what happened?!”

“Erin, sit down baby. There’s gonna be a lot you need to digest.”

The physicist took a seat in the chair next to the two women, noting that Abby hadn’t yet opened her eyes since she arrived.

“Is she sleeping or…”

“She’s lightly sedated. Poor Abby, she was quite hysterical after everything went down.”

Erin wringed her hands. “Patty, what the hell is going on?”

Patty sighed. “Let me start at the beginning. When Holtzy and I came back from grabbing sandwiches, Holtz went to get Abby who was in the bathroom. Abby came out acting all weird, but we didn’t really think anything of it. Until she started beating the proton packs with Holtzy’s lead pipe.”

“What?!” Erin tried to keep her voice down as much as possible, but the fact her friend would do such a thing was unthinkable.

“Baby, that wasn’t Abby who did all this. It was Rowan. Somehow when we were gone he managed to possess Abby.”

“Oh god.” Erin rubbed her face.  _ This is what I was afraid of… _

“Abby...well Rowan, flung Holtzy across the room after she tried to stop him. Before I knew what was happening, she...he had the poor girl by the throat and basically threw her out the window.”

_ Oh no, oh no… _

“I managed to grab her before she fell, but Rowan was fighting me as Holtzy was hanging on. He…” Patty paused, trying to regain her composure. “He punched me and I couldn’t help it Erin, I moved my hand too quick and Holtzy…” 

Erin rubbed Patty’s shoulder as the historian angrily wiped the tears that were beginning to fall down her cheeks. 

“Patty it’s ok. It’s not your fault. It’s not Abby’s fault. It was that bastard…” Erin clinched her jaw so tight she was afraid she’d break her teeth.

“Yeah, well. After I gave poor Abby a hard left cross, that bastard left for parts unknown. We ran downstairs but Holtzy - oh man, Holtzy…”

Erin closed her eyes and tried not to think about the terror Holtzmann felt as she fell, the pain she must have suffered when she hit the ground. 

“Holtzmann. How is she? I mean she’s not…”

“No, she’s alive. Well she was when they loaded her into the ambulance. They had to put her on a backboard Erin. She didn’t look too good.”

Erin felt the tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. _ I can’t imagine life without her. Please be ok Holtzy, please be -” _

“Erin?”

Abby groggily lifted her head off Patty’s lap, turning to face the physicist.

“Erin, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what happened. It’s like a blur. I didn’t mean to -” Abby sniffled. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

Erin grabbed Abby’s hands with her own.

“I know Abby, I know.”

* * *

Erin looked down at her watch.

11:32 PM

The three Ghostbusters were moved to a private room to wait after word leaked to the press about Holtzmann’s accident. All it took was Patty threatening to punch out a reporter who had stuck a digital recorder in her face for the hospital to make special accommodations for them.

“How long has Holtz been in with the doctors?” Erin leaned over to grab the paper cup of coffee she had procured from a vending machine an hour earlier, grimacing after draining the cup of its luke warm contents.

“Well, let’s see. I think we got here around 4:30, so around…” Patty scratched her head. “Seven hours?”

“Jesus...that can’t be good.” Erin pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to prevent the stress headache that was threatening to overtake her.

“Well, I mean, if things were really bad, we’d would’ve known hours ago…” Abby’s voice trailed off. The room was silent, all three women lost in their thoughts.

There was light knock on the door to the room before it opened and a woman in surgical scrubs entered the room.

“Excuse me, are you the family of Dr. Jillian Holtzmann?”

Erin leaped out of her chair, followed closely behind by both Patty and Abby.

“Yes! Well, technically no. But Holtzmann doesn’t have any family except for us. We’re her friends. And co-workers.” Abby tried to keep the nervousness out of her voice without much success.

The doctor smiled. “That’s ok. Which one of you is Dr. Erin Gilbert?”

“Um, me?” Erin felt like she was going to vomit at any moment.

“Dr. Holtzmann had you listed as her emergency contact in her medical records. But I see no reason not to inform all three of you of Dr. Holtzmann’s current status. I’m Dr. Elizabeth Cole by the way.”

“Is Holtzy going to be ok?” Patty blurted out, unable to wait any longer for news of her friend.

“Dr. Holtzmann suffered near catastrophic injuries due to her fall: a grade three concussion, ruptured spleen, several broken ribs. But what is most concerning to all of us is her spinal cord injury.”

“Spinal cord injury?” Erin sputtered out.  _ Please don’t let this mean what I think it means… _

“Yes. Dr. Holtzmann suffered a serious injury to her L1 vertebrae.”

Abby grasped both Erin and Patty’s hands. “What exactly are you saying doctor?”

Dr. Cole gave the three Ghostbusters a sympathetic look.

“I’m sorry, but it’s very likely Dr. Holtzmann will never walk again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Between this and Only A Memory Remains you might be worried for my mental state - I swear I just take all my angst and insecurities out on fictional characters only!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is still full of some sadness and angst, but it improves greatly after this.
> 
> (Please note this does not absolve me from including angst and emotions in future chapters. Oops.)
> 
> Thank you all for reading and not coming after me for hurting Holtzmann. AGAIN.

Erin stroked Holtzmann’s hand, trying not to look at the badly scraped and bruised side of her face, the oxygen tube in her nose, the thick bandages around her lower abdomen. She especially didn’t want to think about her legs, currently under a blanket, which might never walk, run or dance again.

_She’s alive. That’s what’s important._

After the Ghostbusters were given Holtzmann’s grim prognosis, they spent a good portion of their remaining time in the waiting room crying, silently wondering how all four of their lives would ever be the same. An hour after Dr. Cole’s visit, they were allowed to visit the engineer in the ICU. She had not regained consciousness yet. The nurse on duty said due to her concussion, it might be some time before Holtzmann was fully lucid again.

“Erin? Do you want to take a walk?”

Abby stood behind the physicist, a tired yet imploring expression on her face.

“What if Holtz wakes up? I want to be here.”

“She’s resting Erin. Go take a walk with Abby. And grab me a Hostess Apple Pie out of the vending machine, will ya?” Patty made a shooing motion with her hands as Erin sighed and stood up, walking side-by-side next to Abby as they exited the hospital room.

“I know you don’t just want to take a walk Abs - I saw the look on your face. What is it you need to talk to me about?”

Abby was quiet for a beat as they walked down the hallway toward the elevator to the cafeteria and vending machines. She looked as if she was trying to choose her words very carefully.

“So has this experience convinced you yet to tell Holtzy how you feel about her?”

Erin tried not to show the panic on her face. “What, that she’s like one of my best friends? What are you talking about?”

Abby sighed as she pushed the call button to the elevator. “Erin.” She turned and shot the physicist what Erin had coined _the mom look_. “Anyone with two braincells to rub together can see how hopelessly over the moon you are for her. And hello Gilbert, she feels exactly the same way about you.”

“How - how do you know this?” The two women entered the elevator that had arrived, Erin pushing the button for the lower level.

“Duuuuuuuh. It’s so obvious Erin. She makes heart-eyes at you wherever you go. Plus she told me one night when she had a few too many that she had to restrain herself from throwing you on her workbench and ‘doing you’ as she so succinctly put it.”

Erin coughed. “You’re making that up!”

“I wish I was. But seriously Erin,” Abby put her hand on the physicist’s shoulder. “This is going to be a long, hard road for us ahead - especially Holtzy. And she needs us - especially you. Erin, you need to be her rock. And you need to tell her that you love her. It might save her.”

The doors to the elevator opened, Abby walking through them before turning around and seeing Erin had not moved an inch, her mouth agape.

“You coming Gilbert? We need to bring Patty her apple pie before she comes down here and kicks both our asses.”

“Sure Abby, sure.”

Erin rejoined Abby as they walked toward the vending machines, still stunned by the recent revelations.

_Does Holtzmann really feel the same way for me as I do for her? Is there hope for us in the future?_

She pictured Holtzmann again in her hospital bed, seemingly so small and fragile amongst the equipment that surrounded her.

_I need to be her rock._

* * *

Erin was nodding off in an uncomfortable chair when she heard a small noise coming from Holtzmann’s hospital bed. When she cracked open her eyes she saw one bright blue one looking back at her.

“Holtzmann?”

Erin stood up, stroking the engineer's head gingerly while holding her hand. Abby and Patty came around the other side of the bed, approaching with a mixture of joy and trepidation.  

“How are you feeling Holtzy?” Patty asked, grasping the blonde’s free hand.

“Hurts. Everything.” Holtzmann’s words were barely audible, her eyes almost closed.

“It’s gonna be ok Holtz. Everything is going to be fine.” Erin felt sick saying this to the younger woman. _It’ll never be ok, it’ll never be the same…_

“Abby?” Holtzmann’s voice sounded like a croak. Abby approached the head of the engineer’s bed cautiously, a look of fear spread across her face.

“Yes Holtzmann? Do you need anything?”

“I just needed to know that - that you’re ok. I know that wasn’t you that did….” Holtzmann’s voice trailed off, her eyes closing from exhaustion. Abby bit her lip before looking at the floor, not wanting the engineer to see that she was crying.

Erin squeezed Holtzmann’s hand. “Holtzy, get some rest, it’s going to be a long-”

“Excuse me.” The three women turned to see Agents Hawkins and Rorke standing in the doorway. “We hate to bother you, but your assistance is needed. Immediately.”

“Now?” Patty exclaimed. “Tell whomever it is the Ghostbusters are a little busy and bedridden at the moment!”

Agent Hawkins cleared his throat. “Well it would seem that your secretary is possessed by a spirit that you recently dealt with? The ghosts and spirits he’s currently conjuring up from The Mercado are terrorizing Times Square and the surrounding area.”

“Oh no, Kevin!” Abby cringed.

“If you’ll come with us ladies. We can drop the three of you off at your...headquarters to get your equipment and prepare yourselves.” Agent Rorke’s tone implied that his request was an order, not a suggestion.

The three Ghostbusters said brief goodbyes to a barely lucid Holtzmann before exiting the room. Before Erin could turn to leave, the engineer’s hand reached out to grab her wrist.

“Holtz?”

Holtzmann pulled Erin close to her, the physicist leaning down to hear the younger woman’s soft voice.

“My pack. Use it. There’s a cuff you wrap around your arm - press it for some added...ammo.” The blonde closed her eyes again, her energy spent.

Erin squeezed her hand. “I’ll use it Holtzy. Thank you.”

As the physicist headed toward the doorway, she could hear Holtzmann’s voice softly behind her.

“Come back to me Erin. I need you.”

* * *

Once equipped, Erin, Abby and Patty were off to face Rowan down. The three Ghostbusters first had to defeat a literal army of ghosts Rowan had sicced upon them. In the midst of the chaos, Erin remembered the advice Holtzmann had given her before leaving the hospital. She had indeed worn the engineer’s proton pack (after extending the straps, Holtz being much smaller than Erin realized), and when she pushed the button on the arm cuff as instructed, two powerful proton pistols had popped out of the back of the pack. Erin felt exhilarated as she mowed down ghost after ghost with the two guns.

_Jillian Holtzmann you are a fucking genius._

They finally reached The Mercado to find Rowan still inhabiting poor Kevin’s body. Erin almost took out the entire facade of the hotel’s lobby with Holtzmann’s pistols when Rowan taunted them, exclaiming _Where’s Jillian? Did she have a bad fall?_

_I would choke the life out of him with my bare hands if I could…_

It culminated in Rowan transforming himself into an enormous evil Casper the Ghost-like form, large enough that he began destroying buildings in his path much like a modern-day Godzilla. The Ghostbusters took great pleasure in blasting him in the crotch with their proton streams, but unfortunately it was only enough to momentarily stop his rampage.

They were huddling behind a building, catching their breath while watching in horror as Rowan stomped on a line of parked cars when inspiration struck Erin.

“You guys - that’s a nuclear reactor Holtzy mounted on the roof of the Ecto-1, right?”

“I think so,” Abby shouted over the sound of the nearby destruction. “Why?”

“If we can somehow get the Ecto-1 to drive into the portal that Rowan opened, the reactor should go critical, causing a total protonic reversal.”

“Like a giant ghost trap?!” Patty exclaimed.

“Exactly!” Abby shouted. “Come on girls, let’s do it!”

Erin and Abby started running down the street where the former hearse was parked a short ways away. Patty hung back a moment before yelling.

“Wait a minute, we can’t destroy my uncle’s hearse!”

“He can bill me Patty! Come on!” Erin ran back to grab the historian’s arm.

They drove the Ecto-1 to within a few hundred feet of the portal, Patty finding a piece of concrete to put over the accelerator.

“Well, it’s been real. Sorry Uncle!”

Patty popped the parking brake, watching rather forlornly as her uncle’s hearst careened toward the portal, falling in at a somewhat high rate of speed. The three Ghostbusters had just enough time to duck behind a flipped over school bus before a large explosion rocked them. They watched in both terror and wonder as a stream of ghosts were beginning to be sucked back into the glowing vortex.

“Look!” Abby pointed and shouted.

Rowan was clawing at buildings as he was being dragged backwards. He flung one hand toward the schoolbus, grabbing a hold of Abby before Erin deployed Holtz’s proton pistols once again, searing off the ghost’s hand at the wrist.

There was one last angry roar before Rowan disappeared into the vortex, the hotel reforming over the portal as if nothing had happened.

“Eat shit in hell you asshole!” Erin yelled.

The physicist smiled sheepishly when Patty and Abby burst out laughing behind her.

* * *

Erin was shaking in the back seat of the tinted SUV - both from the adrenaline that was still pumping in her veins and the fact they were heading back to the hospital to face an uncertain future head on.

The joyous mood had now turned somber moments later as the three women made their way down the hallway to Holtzmann’s room. Still wearing their Ghostbusters coveralls, both patients and staff alike gawked, the news of what had recently transpired making headlines on almost every television channel.

Erin felt a sense of relief when they entered Holtzmann’s room to find the blonde alert while watching a news report on the TV of their recent exploits.

“You better have made him suffer before he went.”

Patty beamed. “Don’t worry baby, we gave him the old proton streams in the junk treatment. And Erin chopped off his hand with one of your pistols!”

“No shit eh?”

Erin cocked her head. While Holtzmann was smiling, she could see the redness in her eyes, the engineer’s hands shaking as they gripped the blanket that was covering her up to her chest.

“Holtzy?”

“Tell me all about it - I want to know everything. Tellmetellmetellme.”

The engineer’s smile was almost maniacal.

Erin frowned. _She’s not ok._

“Holtzmann?”

The cheery facade the engineer had been displaying cracked.

“I can’t - I can’t feel my legs you guys.”

Erin ran forward, encapsulating Holtzmann in a hug moments before she broke down, sobs racking her body. Abby and Patty soon followed, the three women wrapping their arms around the blonde, comforting her the best they could.

Holtzmann buried her face in Erin’s neck, the physicist feeling hot tears against her skin. She brought her mouth close to the engineer’s ear to whisper words of reassurance.

“It’ll be ok Holtzy. You’re not alone. I’ll be right here with you, every step of the way.”

Holtzmann grabbed one of the physicist’s hands and gripped it tightly.

“I need you Erin. Don’t ever leave me.”

Erin could feel her heart breaking as Holtzmann whimpered into her neck.

_I could never leave you Holtzmann. Ever._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I told y'all if you were a little patient you'd get some fluff as a reward.
> 
> (Enjoy it, the angst train might be about to pull into the station /evil cackle)
> 
> Thanks for all the lovely comments thus far. You guys are the best :D

Holtzmann bopped her head in time to the music pulsating over her headphones. It helped her deal with her nervousness of finally being able to return home. Her new home.

It had been three months since the accident. Holtzmann had spent six weeks in the hospital, recuperating from her injures and two surgeries to help stabilize her spinal cord. Upon her release the engineer was admitted to an inpatient rehab center. For two months Holtzmann learned how to manage her new realities. Navigating and maneuvering in a wheelchair (which she had become quite adept at). Building up strength in both her arms and legs. Endless occupational therapy, learning how to adapt to everyday tasks and occurrences that were now much more challenging for her.

Throughout it all Erin had been her constant companion. Abby and Patty came by to visit often, and even Kevin had stopped by a few times (they had started a puzzle together, only 500 pieces to get warmed up). But every day Erin spent time with Holtzmann at the rehab center.

_ Erin. _

Holtzmann still wasn’t sure how to reconcile her feelings for the physicist. They hadn’t known one another for that long still, but the engineer had never felt this way about anyone else before.

The way she’d tuck her hair behind her ear while biting her lip. The crinkles around her eyes when she’d laugh at one of Holtz’s bad puns. The feel of her hand in her own when Erin would listen to her talk about what she had done that day in rehab.

The feel of her body pressed against her own when Erin would pull her in for an awkward hug during one of the many times Holtzmann would feel overwhelmed by the challenges of living as a paraplegic.

Holtzmann had never experienced what it was like to fall in love. She was pretty damn sure it was happening to her right now.

With Erin.

_ If only she’d feel the same way about me… _

Holtzmann shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts. She closed her eyes and focused on the pop tune filtering through her headphones. If she concentrated, she could almost feel her feet tapping along to the music. She knew this was impossible, but visualizing herself responding to the beat was almost comforting.

The blonde felt two hands come to rest on her shoulders. She pulled one of the earbuds out and looked up to see Erin looking down at her, a soft smile on her face.

“Ready to go home Holtz?”

“Sure thing boss.” Holtzmann winked, Erin looking down and biting her lip in response.

While Holtzmann was glad to go home and return to some sense of normalcy, she would be lying if she said she wouldn’t miss this place. She had bonded with several of the other patients here, earning a reputation amongst the staff as a goofy troublemaker of sorts. Holtz had been chastised one too many times for speeding down the hallway in her wheelchair, responding with an  _ I have the need for speed baby _ when told to cool it. Regardless of their frustration with her antics at times, Holtzmann had an affinity for several of the doctors and therapists that had treated her, and was glad she’d be returning to the center three times a week for further treatment.

Holtzmann reached down to grab the backpack with some of her belongings that was on the floor next to her and placed it on her lap. Erin grabbed the handle of the neon green rolling suitcase that contained the rest of the engineer’s things and followed along next to Holtzmann as she wheeled down the hallway toward the exit.

“Abby and Patty are in the Holtzy-Mobile waiting for us,” Erin said matter of factly.

“The Holtzy-Mobile? Is that what we’re calling the new Ecto-1 now?”

“Not exactly,” Erin smirked. “You’ll see.”

Holtzmann looked up at the physicist, getting lost in the dark blue eyes that twinkled at her.  _ She is so damn beautiful…. _

As the blonde rolled through the automatic front doors her mouth dropped open. She brought her wheelchair to a stop when she saw the vehicle that was picking her up - a brand new white Sprinter van with a wheelchair lift on the passenger side, a large Ghostbusters logo on adorning it.

“Hey you - ready to go home in the Holtzy-Mobile?” Patty’s smile was broad and contagious. Abby walked over to Holtzmann and ruffled the unruly mop of curls on top of her head.

“Wow you guys. I thought you going to take me home in the new Ecto-1 and just throw me in the trunk with the proton packs.”

“Oh Holtz,” Erin squeezed the engineer’s shoulder while assisting her in maneuvering her wheelchair into the van’s lift.

Holtzmann made sure to wink at the physicst after she secured her in the van. The resulting warmth she felt from Erin’s blush in response made her grin the entire ride home.  


* * *

 

Holtzmann knew the other three Ghostbusters had secured the awesome firehouse that they had looked at months before to be their new headquarters. It had been rented out shortly after Rowan had been defeated - the city had procured it for them rent-free as long as they kept their partnership on the down-low. The engineer had seen pictures of the firehouse being remodeled as her friends readied it for her return. They had also moved Holtzmann’s meager belongings out of her studio apartment and into the team’s new digs after staff at the rehab center had recommended that she no longer live alone - at least for the time being.

The blonde smiled broadly when the Holtzy-Mobile pulled up to the front doors of the firehouse. She was beyond excited to see a sign with the Ghostbusters’ logo hanging on the facade of the building. Her smile turned into a frown when Patty leaned over her seat from the front passenger side of the van with a blindfold in her hand.

“Ummmmm, I love you Patty-cakes, but I’m not sure I’m ready for the kinky side of our relationship quite yet.”

Patty rolled her eyes. “Shut your dumb ass up Holtzy. We just want you to be surprised when you see your new home for the first time.”

“All riiiiiiiiiiiight.” Holtzmann tried to pout when Patty handed the blindfold to Erin to put over the engineer’s eyes, but she was so touched by the gesture of being surprised she couldn’t help but crack a grin when Erin tied the blindfold off. She was disappointed she couldn’t see the look on the physicist’s face when she whispered, “Hey E, make sure you save that blindfold when we’re done with it. You never know, it could come in handy someday.”

The engineer heard the side door open and felt herself being lowered in the wheelchair lift. Once securely on the ground, Holtzmann was wheeled a short way before stopping, the sound of a large door opening ahead of her. She knew Erin was wheeling her inside the building by the smell of lavender and the nervous tapping on her wheelchair’s handlebars.

“Ok, I think you can whip it off now Erin,” Abby said joyfully.

“Now we’re talking about whips? What the hell did you guys get into while I was gone?”

“Jesus, Holtzmann…” The engineer could tell Erin was attempting exasperation, but she could sense that she was smiling while admonishing her.

Holtzmann blinked for several seconds once the blindfold was removed, her eyes adjusting to the bright overhead lights of the firehouse. She grabbed her yellow tinted glasses out of the front pocket of her overalls and gaped once they were perched on her nose.

In front of her was a comfortable reception area with a desk for Kevin and a leather couch for potential clients to sit on. Beyond that were two desks - Holtzmann could tell by their decor which one was Abby’s and which was Patty’s. A tall wooden bookcase stood near Patty’s office area, overflowing with tomes on a variety of subjects.

But it was what was near the staircase that caught the engineer’s eye.

“You guys put in an elevator for me?”

“Of course we did silly. At least until teleportation becomes a standard mode of transportation.” Erin gave Holtzmann a playful punch on the arm before rolling her to the lift. On their way, they passed the old fireman’s pole that extended from the second floor.

“I’m still gonna use that pole ya know? Just watch me.”

“Holtzy baby, how are you going to manage that?” Patty shot the engineer an incredulous look.

“I have special skillz Ms. Tolan.” Holtz winked at the historian, earning an over-exaggerated eye-roll.

“Well there’s only room in this elevator for two, so Abby and Patty will have to meet us upstairs -”

“Race ya!” Abby interrupted Erin before bolting up the stairs, Patty following closely behind.

“You’re crazy Yates! We just had pizza before going to pick up Holtzy - you better not barf running like a fool!”

Holtzmann shook her head and smiled as she maneuvered herself in the elevator next to Erin. The physicist pressed the button for the second floor before grasping and squeezing the younger woman’s hand.

“I really hope you like what we did up here Holtzy...”

Holtzmann squeezed Erin’s hand back. “If you had anything to do with it E, I’m sure I’ll love it.” The blonde felt a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach when the physicist blushed and looked down at their intertwined hands.

“Here you go,” Erin reluctantly let go of Holtzmann’s hand as the elevator dinged to let them know they had reached the second floor. Holtz wheeled forward once the doors opened and stopped once she saw the view in front of her.

_ They did all this....for *me*? _

The second floor was transformed into Holtzmann’s lab area - all her equipment and gadgets brought over to the new building. The engineer noted though that new workbenches were installed, all at a height that she could slide underneath easily with her wheelchair and work on with ease. Even the new containment units were at a level that Holtz would be able to access without much of a struggle.

“Dr. Gorin came and helped us with the containment units and some of the other...stuff,” Abby said with a smile. “She told us she wanted to make sure ‘Jillian could still work on her unsafe inventions without having to sit on a telephone book.’”

Holtzmann couldn’t help but snort at the words her mentor had said - it was typical Gorin. She smiled, wistfully remembering the couple of visits her mentor had paid her while she was in the hospital. It was one of the few times she could remember Dr. Gorin ever showing any kind of genuine emotion toward her (which was covered up as soon as she was able).

As she turned in her wheelchair to get a full view of the second floor’s layout, Holtzmann noted Erin’s desk and trademark whiteboard nestled in the corner not far from her work area.

“You’re actually daring enough to share an office space with me Gilbert?” Holtzmann raised an eyebrow as she looked up at the physicist.

“Yeah, well someone’s gotta make sure you don’t accidentally torch your wheelchair.” Erin gave Holtzmann a shy smile. “Besides, I like watching you work.”

“Oh really…” Holtzmann wheeled slowly toward the older woman, playfully bumping one of her legs with her mobilized foot.

Abby coughed. “So maybe you should check out the third floor too…”

“Good idea.” Erin turned back toward the elevator, Holtzmann again pleased by how flustered she was able to make the physicist. She thought she heard Patty mumble under her breath, “so gross those two,” but paid it no mind as Erin smiled at her when she re-entered the elevator.

Holtzmann was once again momentarily speechless when she saw the layout of the third floor. It included a small kitchen, with a table and chairs nearby. The engineer was pleased to find the coffee maker was on one of the lower counters, her love of caffeine remembered by her friends. In the opposite corner was a plethora of weight machines and exercise equipment, many of them the same kinds she had used when she was in rehab.

“Just in case ya wanna work out Holtzy.” Patty gave the engineer a light squeeze on her shoulder.

“That’s great you guys. I’m really trying to work on developing these guns ya know.” Holtzmann over-exaggeratedly flexed her arms, Patty exclaiming, “Lord Jesus, help us.” The blonde made sure to show off her developing muscles in Erin’s direction, the physicist trying pointedly to look like she was distracted by something in the kitchen.

“So, um,” Erin stammered after somewhat gaining back her composure after Holtzmann’s display. “There’s one more thing to show you.” The engineer followed Erin toward one of three doors against the far wall, noting that both Abby and Patty were hanging behind, letting the two of them have a private moment together.

Erin opened up the middle door, letting Holtzmann into the room before shutting the door behind them.

Holtzmann blinked. It was her new bedroom.

Her meager belongings had been moved in: the beat up wardrobe she had painted a plethora of colors in grad school, the lamp with the plastic beaded lampshade, the nightstand which now included a framed photo of herself with the other three Ghostbusters. A brand new bed was in the middle of the room, modified so she could get in and out of it with ease. Somehow they had found a Star Wars sheet set that fit it perfectly.

But what took her breath away was the ceiling. The night’s sky had been painted on it, the constellations showing up with glow-in-the-dark paint, recreated in painstaking detail.

“There’s a bathroom for you outside to the right. Also the second bedroom is on the left - I’ll be sleeping over for the time being until -” Erin stopped when she saw Holtzmann staring in awe at the ceiling.

“I did that over a weekend. I know how much you love star-gazing. I wanted you to be able to look up when you’re sleeping and feel a bit of comfort.”

Holtzmann removed her glasses, wiping the tears that were spilling over her cheeks.

“Erin. I don’t know what to say. I’m a bit overwhelmed…”

The physicist moved forward and wrapped her arms around Holtzmann, kissing the top of her head before resting it on top of her blonde curls.

They embraced until the sunlight faded from the room’s windows, the stars on the ceiling shining brighter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, here's the angst. But don't worry, I balance it out.

Holtzmann grunted.

It was after 10pm and she was still trying to repair a damaged ghost trap from a recent bust. The bolts were fused to the outer shell of the trap due to one of proton streams getting a little too close to it as the ghost was being brought down. And once Holtz was able to finally get the outer shell pried off, she discovered she had to rewire the majority of the innards.

It was frustrating.

In the past the engineer would blow off steam by throwing a tune on and dancing, going out for a walk, or even going up to the roof and lying on her back while looking at the stars. And sure, she could mimic such actions in her wheelchair.

But it wasn’t the same.

Holtzmann wasn’t sure what she was more upset about - the broken trap or the fact she no longer had use of her legs.

She was also still stung she could no longer accompany the team on busts. She understood, it was too dangerous for her in her current state and multi-level jobs were practically impossible for her to navigate. Still, she felt as if she was now a glorified tv repairman. Holtzmann felt a pang of jealousy every time Erin, Patty and Abby suited up and left her behind.

Part of her rehab included seeing a psychiatrist, which helped Holtzmann adjust to her new life. But she had been warned that she would have good days, okay days and the occasional bad day. And that was normal.

Today was a really, really bad day for Holtzmann. And she felt anything but normal.

“Fuck…” the blonde hissed as she put her wire cutters down on the workbench. She took off her glasses and rubbed her face, trying to calm the panic that was rising from her stomach.

“Holtz? You alright over there?”

The engineer tried to stifle a sigh. Erin had stayed up with Holtzmann, reading an academic journal at her desk while she worked on the trap. Part of her found the physicist’s presence comforting.

The other part of her felt resentment. She was an adult, she was capable, she could take care of herself. She didn’t need Erin or anyone else hovering over her like she was a fine piece of china placed on the edge of a cabinet.

_Stop. She cares. She’s trying to keep you company._

“I’m fine. This trap is being a bitch.”

Erin frowned at her from across the lab. “Holtzy, it’s getting late. Why don’t you just call it a night and go to bed? It’ll still be here in the morning.”

“Because I want to finish.” Holtzmann spoke through gritted teeth, trying not to let her rising anger show.

_Don’t take it out on Erin. She didn’t do anything wrong…_

The physicist put her journal down. She had a look of concern on her face. “Holtzmann…”

“Why don’t you head off to bed Erin?” I’m fine, I don’t need a babysitter.”

The engineer instantly felt regret when the words left her mouth. She saw Erin’s face crumble a bit, stung by both her words and tone.

A small voice crept in Holtzmann’s consciousness.

_You’re hurting. Make her hurt too. Make everyone hurt. This isn’t fair. Take everyone down with you._

Holtzmann rubbed her ear feverously.

_STOP._

“All right. I guess I will. Good night Holtzmann.” Erin stood up stiffly, glancing over at her before turning her back and heading toward the stairs.

The words escaped before Holtzmann could stop them.

“I’m broken. I don’t know how anyone could ever love me.”

At first the blonde thought she had mumbled them quietly. But when Erin stilled, she knew she'd spoken loud enough that the physicist heard them.

_Shit._

“Erin, I -”

Holtzmann’s voice caught in her throat when Erin turned to face her. She could see the physicist was on the verge of crying. But there was also another look in her eye. One Holtzmann couldn’t quite figure out.

Before Holtzmann could ponder it further, Erin had taken brisk steps to be next to her, bending down and grabbing each of her cheeks.

“Erin?”

The physicist leaned down further and brushed her lips against her own. As far as kisses went, it was rather chaste. But the spark Holtzmann felt at the contact was stronger than any of the multiple times she had accidentally shocked herself in the lab.

Erin broke the kiss and traced a finger against Holtzmann’s bottom lip.

“Don’t you ever say that again Jillian Holtzmann. _I_ love you.”

Holtzmann swallowed.

“You’re just saying that Erin. I don’t need your pity. Don’t try to make me feel better by -”

The next kiss was passionate, Holtzmann unable to stifle a moan when Erin’s lips crashed upon her own. Within moments she had grabbed Erin by the waist and pulled her into her lap, the physicist wrapping her hands in her messy hair. When she gasped, Erin used that opportunity to enter her mouth with her tongue, Holtzmann responding in kind.

_I’m dreaming. This isn’t real, this isn’t real…_

After a moment Erin pulled away to catch her breath, pressing her forehead against Holtzmann’s. She repositioned herself so she sat side-saddle on the engineer’s lap, Holtzmann gripping her hips a little tighter. Mesmerized by the look in Erin’s eyes, the younger woman bit her lip, taking a deep breath before speaking to the physicist in a stilted, hushed voice.

“Did you - did you know the last thing I thought about when I was falling toward the ground was you? That I was so regretful that I’d never get a chance to -” Holtzmann swallowed thickly, unable to prevent her tears from spilling over.

“That I’d never get a chance to tell you how much I love you.”

“Holtz…” Erin’s voice cracked with emotion.

“I love you so much Erin.”

All the frustration, the resentment, the stress seemed to boil over at once for the engineer. She sobbed, no longer able to control her emotions over the revelations that Erin loved her back.

_She loves me back._

Erin brought Holtzmann’s head to rest on her chest, kissing the top of her curls while stroking her back. When the engineer’s crying turned into soft shuddering, the older woman whispered into her ear.

“Come to bed with me.”

Holtzmann looked up with tear-stained eyes, giving the physicist a lopsided grin.

“A little forward aren’t we Dr. Gilbert?”

Erin playfully swatted Holtzmann’s shoulder. “To sleep you silly goose. I have a queen bed - there’s room enough for us to cuddle...and stuff.”

“Ooh, stuff…” the engineer tickled Erin’s ribs, eliciting a squeal from the older woman. When she stopped giggling, Holtzmann pulled her in for another kiss.

“I’m kidding Erin. I’m not sure I’m...ready for anything physical. Aside from cuddles and kissing you until you forget your name.”

Erin stroked Holtz’s cheek. “I understand. We’ll take this as slow as you want sweetheart. Just knowing that you love me as much as I love you is all I need right now.” The physicist kissed Holtzmann on the nose before sliding off her lap, smiling before turning toward the elevator.

“I love you more you know.” Holtzmann playfully slapped Erin on the behind, the older woman yelping before swinging back around to look at her. Holtzmann grinned and winked in response.

“You have to remember I’m now at eye-level to your fine assets Gilbert. It’s soooo hard to resist.”

Erin mocked rolled her eyes. “C’mon Holtz. Get in the elevator. I’m tired.”

The engineer tried to come up with yet another witty response but found herself yawning instead. Exhausted for a multitude of reasons, she dutifully followed Erin into the elevator. When they reached the third floor, Holtzmann rolled toward her bedroom.

“Um, I’m just gonna change into pajamas. See ya in a minute?”

“Sure Holtzy. I’ll be waiting.”

Erin smiled warmly before turning and heading for the spare bedroom. Holtzmann looked after her before shaking her head.

_Why am I so nervous?_

The engineer rolled into her room, grabbing a fresh t-shirt out of her wardrobe before stripping off her overalls and sweater. She was now quite adept at changing her clothes without assistance, her upper body strength enabling herself to lift her legs out of her chair far enough to pull the overalls off her legs, leaving her in her boxers. After throwing the t-shirt on, she rolled back out and knocked on the other bedroom’s door once she reached it.

“Erin? Ya decent?”

“Yes Holtzmann.”

The blonde closed the door behind her after entering. “You even have tweed pajamas Gilbert? Impressive.”

Erin frowned from where she was sitting at the end of the bed. “These are flannel pajamas Holtzmann.”

“Tweed. Plaid. Tomato. Tomatoe. Same thing. Which side of the bed is yours?”

“The left one if you don’t mind?”

“Nope.” Holtzmann put a heavy emphasis on the P, rolling over to the right side of the bed. “As long as I’m next to you sweet cheeks I could care less which side I’m on.”

Erin blushed before pulling back the duvet and sliding in the bed. She looked over at Holtzmann with a touch of concern as the engineer positioned her wheelchair so she was facing it.

“Do you need...help?”

“Naw, I’m good.” The blonde collapsed the leg rests of her chair before pressing down flat with the palms of her hands on the top of the bed. She used the leverage to lift herself up and swing her legs, landing on the bed with a large bounce.

“Ooh nice springs.” Holtzmann grinned as she used her arms to scoot far back enough to get her legs under the covers, sliding back down to be at face level with Erin. The physicist had her head resting on her hand, watching her as she settled in.

“Ya like my guns? I’ve been working on them, just for you.”

“Oh shush”, Erin looked down at the sheets, her face reddening. Holtzmann lifted up her chin with two fingers, drawing her close for a tender kiss.

“I love you Holtzy,” Erin breathed, her eyes closed.

“I love you too E.”

Holtzmann flipped over to lie on her side, Erin cuddling up along her back, the physicist’s arm draped over the younger woman’s waist.

Moments before sleep overtook her, Holtzmann smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more fluff for y'all to enjoy. Please excuse any geographical and/or logistical details I've screwed up in this chapter as I've only been to NYC twice. I should write a fic set in Chicago one of these days. Hmmm...
> 
> As always, thanks for reading dear friends.

“A date?”

Holtzmann scrunched her nose up at Erin’s suggestion, a bemused smile spreading across her face.

“Yes, a date. I mean we’ve been snuggling in bed every night and making out for almost two weeks now. Don’t you think we should, you know, go out together? Just the two of us?”

“Hmmmm…” The engineer mock scratched her chin, looking up at the ceiling lights in the second floor lab.

“Unless you don’t want to go out with me. Are you ashamed of being in public as a couple or…” Erin faltered off, looking down at her hands which were currently twitching. The physicist clasped them together in attempt to mask her anxiety.

“Oh no no no babe.” Holtzmann rolled around to the other side of her workbench to where Erin was perched atop, her legs swinging over the edge of the table. She grasped the physicist’s chin and brought it down so she could look into her eyes. “I was just joking E - I’m sorry, I’m such an asshole sometimes.”

“It’s ok.” Erin shrugged, trying to pretend Holtz's implication, however incorrect, hadn't affected her.

“No it’s not ok. Erin - if you want to go on a date, an actual, romantic date, then your wish is my command. How’s tomorrow night sound?”

Erin smiled. “It sounds good Holtzmann.”

“Great!” Holtzmann backed up from the table and spinned around. “Now if you excuse me, I have a few phone calls to make…”

“Wait, Holtzy? Who are you calling?”

Holtzmann paused on her way to the elevator and looked over her shoulder.

“You’ll have to wait and see, won’t ya?”

Holtzmann winked.

* * *

Erin squirmed on the couch in the reception area of the firehouse. Holtzmann had told her to meet her in the lobby at six for their first official date. It was 5:55 and Erin was beyond nervous.

_This is ridiculous. It’s Holtz. It’s fine, everything will be fine…_

“Ooh girl,” Patty drawled as she headed toward the front door to make her departure for the day. “Holtzy’s not gonna be able to keep her hands off of you. Damn!”

Erin looked down at her attire, a form fitting red dress that ended just above the knee, a black shawl draped over her shoulders to protect her from the evening chill. The physicist didn’t think it was anything special, but hearing Patty gush over her appearance made her blush.

“Well Holtzmann told me to dress like a lady. I guess this is appropriate?”

“Hell yeah Erin. You look hot!”

Before the physicist could stammer a reply, both women turned their heads at the ding that announced that the elevator had made its way to the ground floor. When the doors opened, Erin’s mouth dropped.

Holtzmann wore a dark purple suit, complete with black suspenders over a light gray button-down shirt and a thin black necktie. She paired rainbow argyle socks with her bowling shoes, her hair in a perfect up-do, her yellow glasses perched on her nose.

Erin stood up on now shaky legs as the engineer wheeled toward her. When Holtzmann licked her lips before stopping a few feet in front of her, the physicist felt it in her very core.

“Woooooooow E. You are...wow.”

“I could say the same for you Holtz. Ummm….”

The couple stared at one another for a moment before Patty broke the silence by clearing her throat.

“Well, I’ve gotta get a move on. Have fun you two. Oh and…” Patty looked over her shoulder as she pushed the front door open. “Keep the nasty stuff to the bedrooms ok? Later!”

Holtzmann responded with a snort before responding to Patty with a farewell. Erin could only look down at her black pumps, hoping her face wasn’t as red as her dress.

She felt Holtzmann grasp one of her hands as she moved alongside her. Erin looked over to see the engineer’s eyes twinkling, a bright smile on her face.

“I have a busy night planned for us. Shall we?”

“Lead the way Holtzy.”

* * *

Erin couldn’t help but smile at the glee on Holtzmann’s face.

The engineer had reserved a private booth for the two of them at a popular romantic fondue restaurant. When she asked Holtz how she had managed to get them a table on such short notice, the younger woman had winked and drawled, “I called in a favor babe,” before popping a piece of bread covered in fondue cheese into her mouth.

Currently they were enjoying the dessert fondue, Holtzmann dipping forkful after forkful into the pot of chocolate, making soft, appreciative moans every time she chewed. Erin was mostly stuffed after the cheese and meat courses, and watched her girlfriend in amazement as she dipped yet another strawberry into the vat of chocolate.

“Holtz, where do you put it all?”

“Hmmm?” The engineer looked up, a thin thread of chocolate now hanging from her lower lip to her chin as she chewed on the strawberry.

“You weigh like nothing, yet you’ve probably ate ten pounds of meat, cheese and chocolate tonight. Here…” Erin reached over to wipe the string of chocolate from Holtzmann’s mouth, the physicist’s eyes going wide when the blonde grabbed her wrist. Holtz licked the chocolate off Erin’s finger before releasing her hand and winking.

“I’ve always had a high metabolism. Besides, pretty ladies such as yourself keep me young. Uh, Erin? Eeeeeerin?”

Erin’s hand was still frozen in mid-air, a stunned expression on her face, still reeling from the feeling of Holtzmann’s tongue on her skin.

_I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this turned on…_

“Sorry Holtz,” the physicist stammered. “I just…”

“Uh-huh,” Holtzmann said with a smug smile. “No worries E, I’m just filling all these reactions of yours away for future use.”

The engineer grabbed a marshmallow off her plate and popped it in her mouth, smirking as she chewed with her mouth partially open. Erin fiddled with her napkin as her face flushed.

_This woman is going to be the death of me…_

* * *

“Ok, color me officially confused.”

“What’s there to be confused about babe?”

The couple had been dropped off in Central Park and were heading toward the Hayden Planetarium. Erin knew the museum had closed several hours earlier, so the fact they were approaching the entrance befuddled her.

“Oh ye of little faith Gilbert. Trust me will ya?”

They stopped short of the entrance to the planetarium. Holtzmann pulled her phone out of the inside pocket of her suit jacket and rapidly sent a text, the light from her phone casting an ethereal glow on her face.

“Give it a second E.” The engineer slipped the phone back into her pocket and looked up at Erin with a bright smile on her face. The physicist grasped one of her girlfriend's hands, rubbing her thumb across the leather fingerless gloves Holtzmann usually wore when she knew she would be wheeling around quite frequently.

“Ah, here we go.” Holtzmann nodded at a security guard who opened a door for the two women, allowing them to enter the museum. “Thanks, Fred!” The blonde waved as she wheeled in the opposite direction of the guard.

“Just let me know when you’re ready to leave Holtzmann!”

“Will do, Fred. Thanks, again!”

Holtzmann began moving in the direction of the Space Theater, only pausing when she noticed Erin was no longer walking beside her. She glanced over her shoulder, noticing the physicist was still standing near the entrance of the museum.

“E? You ok?”

“How did - how did you manage to get us in here?”

Holtzmann slowly wheeled herself toward her girlfriend, smirking out of one side of her mouth. She grasped both of Erin’s hands, looking up at her with bright blue eyes and a toothy grin.

“Well ya know, the mayor still owes us a debt of gratitude for saving his ass a few months ago. So it didn’t take much convincing for him to allow us to visit this fine facility after closing. Only the best for my best girl.”

Erin raised her eyebrows. “I hope I’m your only girl Holtzmann.”

“But of course. You are the only woman for me Gilbert. Now and forever.” The engineer squeezed her hands one more time before removing them and patting her lap.

“Wanna lift?”

“Aren’t I too heavy for you Holtz?”

“Erin. Number one, you are nowhere near anything I’d refer to as heavy. Number two, I can’t feel my damn legs anyway, so hop on and let Holtzy give ya a ride.”

The physicist giggled as she lowered herself on Holtzmann’s lap, letting a out a soft squeal when the blonde leaned over to place a kiss on her bare back above the top of her dress. Erin reclined back into her girlfriend, Holtzmann  gripping her around her waist with one hand, pushing and steering her wheelchair deftly with the other.

Once Holtzmann reached the ramp to the theater she let go of Erin to wheel them into the domed room. She pulled up alongside a reclining seat, nodding for the physicist to sit next to her. Erin gave her girlfriend a peck on the lips before sliding off her lap, settling into the seat beside her.

Within moments the lights in the theater dimmed, Holtzmann reaching across and grasping Erin’s hand as the constellations appeared on the dome above them.

The physicist gasped. “It’s beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you babe.” Erin turned to face Holtzmann expecting to see her girlfriend winking at her, or at least, a bemused expression on her face. Instead the younger woman was gazing at her seriously, her eyes fixated on her own.

“Enjoy the show Erin.”

* * *

“Holtz?”

“Yeah babe?”

“That was the best first date ever.”

Holtzmann traced a finger down Erin’s cheek, the two of them cuddled under a blanket on Erin’s bed.

“I guess it was worth the wait, eh?”

“Yep.”

Erin leaned forward to kiss the engineer, humming as Holtzmann brought her hand up to lightly tug on her hair. When they parted, the younger woman still had her eyes closed.

“Thank you.”

“For what Holtz?”

“For -” even though the room was dark, Erin could see tears shimmering in Holtzmann’s eyes once she opened them. “For loving me. Even though I’m…”

“You’re what Holtzmann? Paralyzed? That doesn’t matter to me. You are still the gorgeous, adorkable woman I fell in love with all those months ago. Okay?”

Holtzmann stared glassily at a point behind the physicist. Erin grasped the younger woman’s chin to force her to look into her her eyes.

“I love you Holtzmann. I’m in this for the long haul.”

She moved to kiss the engineer again, trying to both control her passion yet show the depth of her feelings for the blonde in this single expression of love.

Holtzmann snuggled into Erin’s shoulder once they separated.

“I love you too E. So much.”

It was only a few minutes before Erin heard the engineer lightly snoring. She tightened her grip on Holtzmann’s waist and kissed her on the top of her head.

_Please don’t doubt how I feel for you Holtz. I’ll be with you always, for better or for worse._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, I hope you enjoyed the fluffiness because....
> 
> *ducks*


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here be aaaaaangst....

“Erin, go to bed. I’m fine, honestly.”

It was after eight on a Tuesday night, Holtzmann tinkering on her workbench as per usual. What was not normal was Erin sitting on top of her desk, blowing her nose.

“Ewwwww, grosssss.”

“Oh grow up Holtzmann. It’s just a cold.”

“Yeesh, I was just joking E.” The engineer put the ghost trap she had been rewiring back on the table top and pushed her wheelchair out from under it. She rolled over to the physicist, a look of concern on her face.

“Um. I’m not trying to be an ass, but you don’t look too good Gilbert.” Holtzmann placed the back of her half gloved hand on Erin’s forehead. “And you’re hot too. I mean you’re always hot babe, but I you might actually have a fever.”

Erin groaned. “I feel like crap Holtz.”

“Then go to bed! I’ll be ok, a bit lonely but fine. There’s some NyQuil in the medicine cabinet - do two shots and get yourself some zzzzzz’s.”

The physicist looked at her girlfriend though bloodshot eyes. “Sleep sounds really good right now.”

“Then shoo!” Holtzmann waved her hands at her girlfriend. “I probably won’t be up too late and I’ll join ya for snuggles when I’m done.”

“Oh Holtz, I don’t want you to get sick too…”

“Naaaaaah. Cuddling with my poor sick girl is way more important than the possibility of blowing snots. Get some shuteye babe.” The engineer blew Erin a kiss before wheeling backward.

Erin slid off her desk and wobbled toward the stairs. “G’night Holtzy.”

“Good night sweet cheeks.” Holtzmann watched her girlfriend walk up the stairs, not resuming her work until she heard the door to Erin’s bedroom close shut.

* * *

Erin rolled over to find the space on the bed next to her empty. She opened one eye to glance at the clock on her nightstand: _6:33 AM._

_Huh, I guess Holtzy took my advice and went to sleep in her own bed. Either that or she’s still working. Silly goose._

Erin sat up and stretched, feeling better than the day before. She blew her still somewhat stuffy nose and slid out of her bed, throwing a light robe over her pajamas before exiting the bedroom.

“Holtzy?” Erin poked her head into the engineer’s bedroom, a little surprised not to see her slumbering. _Felt asleep at the workbench I bet._ The physicist shook her head as she descended one flight of stairs to the lab.

Erin anticipated seeing her girlfriend either still tinkering at her workbench, or slumped over in her wheelchair asleep. When she saw neither she became slightly alarmed. _Perhaps she went downstairs for something or…_

“Holtzmann?” The physicist waited a beat, concern now etched on her face. She expected to hear Holtzmann greeting her from some part of the building.

What she heard instead was a muffled groan.

“Erin? Help…”

It took a moment for Erin to figure out where Holtzmann’s pained voice was coming from. She ran over to the opposite side of the engineer’s workbench, where Holtzmann was face first on the ground, wheelchair laying on top of her, legs splayed out at a weird angle.

“Oh my god, Holtzmann! What happened?”

Erin carefully lifted the wheelchair off her girlfriend, noting that it didn’t appear to have suffered much damage. She sat down next to Holtzmann, gently turning her over and cradling her. There was a gash on the engineer’s forehead, not deep but severe enough that blood had caked over the side of Holtz’s face. Tears streamed down the younger woman’s cheeks as she rasped.

“I wired something wrong and the poof pushed me back - the chair rolled over something and I fell. I couldn’t get up. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get up. I tried yelling for you but you didn’t hear me. Erin, I was scared, so scared…”

Holtzmann now succumbed to the tears, burying her head into the physicist’s shoulder. Erin kissed the top of her head and murmured in her ear.

“Shhhh, Holtzy. It’s ok, everything’s going to be ok. I’m so sorry I didn’t hear you. But you’ll be fine.” The physicist stroked Holtzmann’s back. “Honey, I need to grab my phone and call an ambulance ok? They’ll check you out and make sure you’re not hurt too badly. Can you stay here for a moment while I do that?”

“NO.” Holtzmann’s eyes were wide with fear. “Don’t leave me Erin! Please don’t leave me. I need you…”

The engineer started sobbing again. Erin attempted to comfort her by rocking her in her arms.

_Oh Holtzy, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you…_

* * *

Erin paced in the small waiting room at the hospital, her hands twitching at her sides.

_I knew I shouldn’t have left Holtz alone. I hope I haven’t let her down. I hope she doesn’t hate me…_

“Erin!”

Patty’s shout startled the physicist, who immediately stopped in her tracks.

“Sit your ass back down girl. Your pacing is making me seasick.”

“Erin, please.” Abby patted the chair next to her. “Sit down.”

“Sorry,” the physicist mumbled as she slid back into burnt-orange upholstered chair. Abby squeezed her shoulder.

“She’s gonna be fine Erin. The paramedics didn’t seem to think she was injured that badly.”

“Yeah,” Erin rubbed her face, exhausted. “But mentally? Abby, she was such a mess. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen Holtz so upset.”

“I can.” Erin and Abby turned to look at Patty. “Those first few days after the accident. She’s been so good lately. But maybe Holtzy’s pushing herself a little too hard.”

“I don’t know…” Erin looked down at her clasped hands. The three women sat in an uncomfortable silence, broken only when a doctor entered the waiting room.

“Who came in with Dr. Jillian Holtzmann?”

“Me! I mean, we did.” Erin stood up and walked talked toward the young doctor, Patty and Abby following behind. “How is she?”

“Well…” The doctor closed Holtzmann’s chart after looking at it briefly and tucking it under his arm. “Dr. Holtzmann needed three stitches to close the cut on her forehead. Her right thigh is bruised and she suffered a sprained left ankle. Other than that, she’s ok. She’ll need to ice her ankle for a couple days, but she should be back to normal by the end of the week. You can go see her now - I’ll be releasing her to your care shortly. She’s in bed number four.”

“Great!” Patty moved toward the entrance of the ER, Abby following her. They stopped when they realized Erin still hadn’t moved.

“Erin? Don’t you want to see Holtzy?”

“Go ahead Patty, Abby. I want to talk to the doctor briefly. I’ll join you in a moment.”

Abby gave the physicist a slight smile before heading back to see Holtzmann with Patty.

“Doctor…” Erin closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Holtz - Jillian was very upset after I found her. Do you think she’ll be ok now? Mentally I mean”

“Well, people who suffer debilitating spinal cord injuries are three times more likely to suffer from depression, especially the first five years after their injury. Do you know if she received any therapy after her accident?”

“She did,” Erin shook her head in the affirmative. “At the rehab center post-injury. She goes back there now twice a week, but I’m not sure if any psychological treatment is still included.”

“I would inquire - she’s suffered a setback in her recovery, and that can be jarring. Especially for someone who is fiercely independent.” Erin nodded at this, knowing that Holtzmann hated being doted upon.

“Support her, listen when she needs to talk, and be a shoulder for her to cry on. And if she doesn’t improve within the next several days, definitely talk to her providers at the rehab center during her next visit.”

Erin offered the doctor a slight smile. “Thank you - I really appreciate your advice.”

“You’re welcome - take care.” The young man nodded before leaving Erin alone. The physicist took a deep breath before walking through the doors to the ER and heading to where Holtzmann was recovering.

Erin walked into the small recovery room to see Patty and Abby standing alongside Holtzmann in the hospital bed. The engineer had a bandage over her right eye and was picking at the blanket that covered her up to her waist.

She didn’t look up at Erin.

“Hey, Holtz…”

As the physicist moved toward the bed, both Abby and Patty slinked out of the room, giving the couple some privacy. Erin grabbed one of Holtzmann’s hands while leaning forward to place a kiss on her cheek.

“How are you feeling honey?”

“Fine. I’ll live.” Holtzmann now looked straight ahead, avoiding Erin’s stare. The physicist gently cupped her girlfriend’s cheek, pulling it toward her.

“Holtzmann. Please. Look at me.”

The engineer finally looked at Erin with watery eyes.

“I just want to go home.”

Holtzmann’s voice was barely a whisper, Erin needing to strain to make out the words.

“I’m going to take you home Holtzy. Ok?” Erin wrapped her arms around the younger woman, kissing the top of her head when the engineer wrapped her arms around her waist.

She noticed Holtzmann made nary a sound the entire time she was embracing her.

* * *

“It’s been three days Abby. She’s barely talked to me, she’s hardly touched me. I don’t know what to do.”

Erin clenched a mug of coffee with both hands, holding it tight against her chest. She was leaning against the counter in the firehouse’s kitchen, Abby listening to her from a chair next to the room’s table.

“I don’t know either Erin. This has been a big shock to Holtzmann. She was doing so well after she came home, I think her fall reminded her.”

“Reminded her of what?” Erin wrinkled her nose before taking a sip of her coffee.

“Reminded her that’s she’s paralyzed. Look…” Abby rose from her chair, moving to stand next to the physicist and place a hand on her shoulder. “Holtzmann’s always marched to the beat of her own drummer. I think she convinced herself that aside from not feeling her legs, she still was the same old Holtzmann: daring, bulletproof, carefree. But falling from her chair and laying on the floor helpless until you found her was a rude awakening. That she needs to be more careful. That she can’t do everything that she used to. And that she’s going to need to accept help from others.”

Erin sighed. “I love her Abs. I can’t stand to see her like this.”

“Me either.” Abby patted Erin’s shoulder before grabbing her empty mug off the table and rinsing it out in the sink. “Go down to the lab and try talking to her again. I have an idea that might help her.”

When Erin raised an eyebrow Abby shooed her away with her hands. “Go downstairs, get! Tell that goofball a million times how much you love her, will ya?”

Erin gave her friend a smile before, putting her mug on the counter and heading downstairs. She paused once she reached the second floor.

Holtzmann was sitting at her workbench, stripping wire. Erin knew that it was something that the engineer would do when upset or distracted. She told her once, _stripping the wires makes me feel like I’m stripping the troubles away from me._

Judging by the pile of wires on the table, Holtzmann had been doing this all morning.

“Holtzmann?” Erin approached the younger woman, wary of her reaction. The engineer stopped stripping the wire in her hands for a moment to raise her head and look at Erin through yellow tinted goggles.

“Oh. Hi Erin.” Holtzmann’s voice was quiet and flat. She immediately turned her attention back to the wire in her hands.

“Holtzy, I’ve missed you in bed at night. For cuddles I mean.” The engineer had not joined Erin in her room at bedtime since the accident, choosing to retire in her own bed. The physicist had cried herself to sleep every night, missing holding Holtzmann in her arms, talking until one of them fell asleep. She missed their good night kisses.

She simply missed...Holtzmann.

“Sorry, E. I just haven’t felt it. I kinda want to be by myself at night, nothing personal.”

_I’m your goddamn girlfriend, of course it’s personal. I want to feel your body next to mine, make you smile, hear you whisper my name when I’m done kissing you._

_I just want you Holtzmann._

Erin bit her lip, wanting to yell and scream at the younger woman, telling her how silly she was being, that her feelings hadn’t changed, that she could tell her anything, everything.

“Ok, Holtz.” She put her hand on the engineer’s shoulder, breathing a sigh of relief when Holtzmann didn’t flinch at her touch. “Just...come talk to me if you feel up to it. Or hang out with me. Or whatever.” Erin moved to her desk and grabbed a notebook and some reading materials to bring with her downstairs to work on, giving her girlfriend the privacy she thought she needed.

Erin paused before walking away.

“I miss you Holtzy.”

Once she descended the stairs Holtzmann tossed her wire cutters on the workbench and held her head in her hands. She didn’t move for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, that was painful. But you'll be thanking me soon. Truuuuuuust me.
> 
> Btw feel free to yell at me on tumblr for all the crap I've been dealing out as of late - @geekmisconduct


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a last little bit of angst to start this chapter off...
> 
> ...and then happy times commence.
> 
> (That means it's nsfw folks.)

“You are being an insolent child Jillian.”

Holtzmann squirmed. She hated being talked to this way. Especially by someone she regarded as highly as Dr. Gorin.

The engineer also despised the fact that Abby took it upon herself to call her mentor to come in and talk to her. Like she was a puppy that soiled itself on the bright white carpeting.

_I am a fully capable adult. I don’t need tending to. I don’t need to be fawned over like a newborn._

Holtzmann grunted at her mentor in response, fiddling with part of the containment unit that she had taken apart for “improvements.” In reality she needed to do something with her hands, to get her mind off things.

To get her mind off Erin.

“Jillian. Look at me.”

The engineer let out an exasperated sigh and tossed her screwdriver on the workbench. She looked up at her mentor with annoyance and a hint of frustration.

“What?”

Gorin raised a somewhat amused eyebrow. “How old are you? Twelve?”

“Don’t even start with me, I’ll have you know that -”

“Jillian!”

Holtzmann stopped speaking abruptly. She knew that tone of voice, and it was best for her to be quiet and listen. An angry Dr. Gorin was not something she enjoyed seeing.

“Sorry,” the blonde mumbled.

“I don’t doubt for a second that everything that’s transpired these last few months have been traumatizing and difficult. But I will not stand by and watch as you push away the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

The engineer looked down at her hands, balled up into fists so tight her knuckles were turning white. She was not ready to face this reality.

“Dr. Gilbert loves you unconditionally Jillian. She is miserable right now.” Gorin reached out her hand to clasp one of Holtzmann’s fists, surprising the younger woman as she knew her mentor hated physical contact unless absolutely necessary.

“Let it go Jillian. Let her be the one to help you on this journey. Let her love you, even if you feel as if you can’t love yourself.”

Holtzmann felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. When she spoke her voice was small and shaky.

“I will try.”

* * *

Erin brought her dinner plate to the sink and rinsed it off, sighing. Dr. Gorin had left the firehouse hours ago and she had hoped that it would spur Holtzmann to come talk to her. Or at least rejoin the living. Sadly, the engineer had remained in her lab, only coming upstairs once to use the washroom.

_I guess that’s it then. Have we broke up? Still friends? What even is this relationship?_

The physicist clenched her jaw, determined to settle it once and for all.

_Not knowing is tearing me apart. Best to clear the air and move on._

Erin walked down the stairs with a purpose. She was surprised to find Holtz not tinkering around at her workbench, but looking out the window. She had moved her wheelchair so it was right next to the sill, curtains blowing inward.

“Holtz?”

The engineer turned to look at her - she could tell by her bloodshot eyes she had been crying. She looked exhausted.

“Yeah?”

Erin approached her, still formulating what she wanted to say in her head. “Is this...it? Do you not want to be together anymore?”

The physicist looked down, unable to stop the tears from falling.

“Do you not want me?”

“Erin, I -” Holtzmann sighed and looked back out the window. Erin could barely hear her words over the sounds of the city filtering in from the outside.

“I’m broken. You deserve better than me.”

The engineer turned back to look at her, deflated and destroyed.

“I’ll just drag you down.”

Erin didn’t know what got into her, but within moments she had straddled Holtzmann’s lap, holding her head between her hands, forcing the younger woman to look at her.

“Holtz. Tell me to my face you don’t want me. Want this. Tell me that we’re through.”

Holtzmann gaped, breathing heavily. She put her hands on Erin’s waist, the physicist noticing that they were shaking.

“I can’t, I can’t. Oh god, Erin. I want this, I want you so much. But -”

Erin placed a finger against the younger woman’s lips, silencing her. “Let me love you Holtzy. Let me show you that you’re worth everything. Especially to me.”

The physicist lowered her head to kiss Holtzmann, tangling her hands in her hair as she did so. Within moments the kiss had deepened, Erin moaning into the blonde’s mouth as she felt one of the engineer’s hands drift upward to settle on her breast, squeezing it gently.

“I’m sorry, so sorry Erin. I love you, I’ve never stopped loving you.” Holtzmann spoke against her girlfriend’s lips.

Erin leaned back, pulling the light sweater she was wearing from the bottom up and over her head, leaving her top half covered only in a flesh-toned bra. She grinned at the sack-jawed way Holtzmann looked at her, feeling it in her very core when the blonde licked her lips.

“Show me Holtzmann. Show me how much you love me.”

“Erin, are you sure? You know I can’t -”

“I don’t care. I need you. I want you. So badly.”

It was as if she dropped a match in a pile of kindling. Before Erin knew it Holtz’s mouth was everywhere: her lips, her neck, her shoulders. She moaned into the engineer’s mouth when she felt calloused fingers slip under her bra and caress her nipple, pinching it.

“You like that huh?”

“God yes. I like a lot of things Holtzy.”

“I want to find out about them all.”

Holtzmann sucked on Erin’s pulse point as she moved her hands to the clasp of the physicist's bra on her back. Once undone, Erin slipped off the straps, letting the undergarment fall to the ground. She raised an eyebrow when she heard Holtzmann intake a large breath.

“You ok?”

“Yeah,” the engineer breathed. “Do you - do you have any idea how fucking hot you are E?”

Erin felt her face turn red. “Holtz…”

“No, shhhhh. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.”

The blonde began to place kisses between the physicist’s breasts, Erin tangling her hands in Holtzmann’s hair. She moved to suck one of Erin’s nipples, swirling her tongue around it before letting it fall out of her mouth with a pop. She did the same to the other one, blowing on it after her ministrations, eliciting a loud groan from her girlfriend. When she palmed both breasts in her hands Erin grinded on Holtzmann’s lap, a strangled cry escaping Holtzmann’s lips.

“Erin - do you want to go to the bedroom or -”

“Now Holtzy. We can be romantic later. I need your lips on me. I need you inside me before I explode.”

Holtzmann closed her eyes and let loose a raspy groan. She used both hands to wheel the two of them to Erin’s desk.

“We’re gonna do it here if you don’t mind. My workbench may be a little...radioactive.”

Erin stepped off Holtzmann’s lap and cleared off her desktop with one swipe of her arm, papers, notebooks and pens falling to the floor with a loud clatter.

Holtzmann wiggled her eyebrows. “Well then…”

The physicist unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them off, joining the pile of office supplies next to her. She sat on the edge of her desk, clad only in a pair of lacy white panties.

“Wheel your ass over here Holtzmann.”

“Your wish is my command.”

Holtzmann wheeled forward so her chair was up against the desk, her body positioned between Erin’s legs. She placed one hand on Erin’s stomach, pushing gently until the physicist’s back was against the top of the desk. She shivered slightly when the cool wood pressed against her. She shivered more when she felt the engineer lick her through her panties.

“Oh god,” she moaned, grabbing Holtzmann by the hair with one hand, the edge of the desk with the other.

“You’re so wet. Is that all for me?”

“Yes, Holtz. All for you, everything’s for you. Please.”

Holtzmann didn’t waste any time slipping the physicist’s panties off. She kissed her way back up Erin’s thighs, her girlfriend squirming as she got closer to where she needed her most. The younger woman locked eyes with her for a moment before putting her head between her thighs and placing her tongue on her clit, moving to suck it lightly.

“Holtzzzz…”

It didn’t take long with the engineer’s skilled tongue to have Erin moaning so her cries echoed through the entire building. When her legs began to shake, warning her of her impending climax, Holtzmann entered her with one finger, curling it after several strokes.

“Oh shit, I’m -”

Erin’s back arched as her orgasm hit, both hands moving to grip Holtzmann’s hair. The engineer slowed her strokes as she came down, her cries turning into soft whimpering. When she finally had her wits somewhat about her, she looked down to see Holtzmann looking back at her, a contented smile on her face.

“Wow, Holtz…”

“Why don’t you hop back on my lap whenever you’re ready. Your chariot ride to post-coitus snuggles awaits.”

“You are such a dork.”

“I am.” Holtzmann smiled broadly. “But you love it.”

“I do,” Erin slid down the desk, settling side-saddle on the engineer’s lap. “And I love you.” She kissed the blonde, tasting herself on Holtzmann’s lips, a tingle flowing through her body.

It was not long after in the physicist's bed, Erin’s arms around Holtzmann’s hips, that she heard the engineer murmur against her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you E.”

“I know Holtzy. I know. We’ll get through this together.”

Holtzmann placed a soft kiss against her girlfriend’s lips.

“Good night. I love you.”

“I love you too Holtz.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure you brush your teeth after this chapter folks - here comes the fluff!

“Oh jeez.”

Patty turned her head in mock disgust as she happened to walk in on Holtzmann and Erin kissing in the firehouse’s kitchen. Straddling Holtz’s lap, the physicist turned red as she pulled away from her girlfriend. Holtzmann on the other hand, gave Patty a grin as she moved her hands down from Erin’s breasts to her waist.

“Whaaaaaaat? We were just smooching Patty-Cakes. It’s not like we were doing it or anything.”

“I almost miss that period when you two weren’t speaking to one another.”

“Aw, I’m so hurt!” Holtzmann grabbed her chest dramatically.

“Naw, I’m kidding.” Patty walked over to the refrigerator to pour herself a glass of lemonade. “Believe me, y’all make the cutest couple. Just don’t be bringing any of that nasty shit out of your bedrooms, ok?”

“No worries Patty.” Holtzmann waited until Patty had left the room before giving her still blushing girlfriend a wink. Erin swallowed, hoping her colleagues wouldn’t never find out that one of Holtz’ favorite ways of pleasuring her was while being pressed up against the wall of the lab while sitting in the engineer’s lap,

“C’mere.” Holtzmann pulled the physicist closer to her, making an appreciative sound when Erin leaned down to kiss her once more, running her hands through the blonde’s messy hairdo.

“God, I love you.” Holtzmann whispered against her girlfriend’s lips, her eyes still closed.

“I love you too Holtzy. But it’s already 9am and all we’ve done is have coffee and make out in the kitchen this morning.”

“You forgot about when I fingered you before you showered…”

“HOLTZMANN!”

“All right, all right.” The engineer cracked a toothy grin. “Ride with me as go down to the lab.”

Erin settled in on Holtzmann’s lap, holding onto her girlfriend’s shoulders as the younger woman maneuvered to the elevator. As they exited the kitchen, they nearly collided with Abby, engrossed in a video she was watching on her phone.

“Move it or lose it Yates!” Holtzmann followed up her cry with a blast from the air horn she had installed on the right armrest of her chair. Both Abby and Erin covered their ears from the sound, Abby nearly dropping her phone on the floor from the shock.

“Holtzmann! What did I tell you about blowing that damn thing in here?” Abby shot the engineer an extremely annoyed look.

“Well, it was either toot my horn, you run you over with Lise, and I wouldn’t want to traumatize her.”

“Oh Holtz, I still can’t believe you named your wheelchair,” Erin shook her head at her girlfriend, a sly smile spreading across her lips.

“Whaaaaaaaaaa?” Holtzmann gave Erin a look of false indignation, which was extinguished quickly when the physicist kissed the blonde on her forehead.

“Move your cute ass and Lise to the elevator Holtz. We should attempt to do some work today.”

“And stop blasting that damn horn!” Abby cried out after them.

“Maaaaaaaaybe.” The door to the elevator closed before Holtzmann could hear Abby’s retort.

* * *

If the heart-eye emoji had been an actual human being, it would be Erin Gilbert staring across the lab at her girlfriend.

It was three weeks since Erin and Holtzmann rekindled their relationship. Three weeks of nighttime snuggles and silly romantic dates and Holtzmann making Erin come undone in ways she never thought possible.

Erin had never been happier. But it was the change in her girlfriend that brought her the most joy.

Holtzmann was more cheerful, more motivated. The output of gadgets and improvements to the equipment had nearly doubled. She’d taken to treating her wheelchair as an extension of herself rather than an impediment, weaving LED lights in the wheels that can change colors by the touch of a few buttons on a remote she’d rigged. The engineer even hung a sign tongue-in-cheek on the back of her chair, featuring a silhouette of herself in the wheelchair with the words “RESPECT THE CHAIR” surrounding it (a small “please” included at the bottom of the sign at Erin’s insistence).

But Erin’ had been most pleased at the improved attitude Holtzmann had regarding rehab. Her twice-a-week visits to the center found her focused on increasing her physical strength, even mentioning to the physicist something about a “sled hockey” league she might participate in. It made Erin nervous, but the look of excitement on the engineer’s face was contagious. Holtzmann participated in therapy sessions as well, Erin joining her on occasion, even though the physicist still had terrible memories of being a child in a beige-wallpapered office, a middle-aged bespeckled man telling her she was imagining things, and accusing her of acting out for attention and…

“Hey Eeeeeeeerin? Whatcha doin?”

The physicist shook her head, roused out of her thoughts by her girlfriend waving at her from across the lab, her blue eyes twinkling.

“Thinking about me?” The blonde winked and Erin and felt a slight warmth spreading through her body. _She knows what that does to me…_

“Maybe. How could I not? You’re nearly perfect.”

Erin observed a slight blush on her girlfriend’s cheeks and smirked, not often seeing Holtzmann embarrassed by something she said. Before the younger woman could respond, a catchy pop tune came up on the radio next to her workbench and the engineer let loose a whoop.

“Dance with me E! This is a good song.”

The physicist bit her lip, trying not to get emotional at the sight of Holtzmann wheeling toward her. She knew dancing was one of her girlfriend’s favorite ways of relieving stress, and she was glad she’d started to dance while in her chair, moving her hips to the music. The blonde let go of the wheels once she reached Erin, grabbing her hands and pulling her out of her desk chair.

“Yikes, I almost forgot!”

Holtzmann pressed a button on her remote with a flourish, causing the lights on her wheels to flash the colors of the rainbow in sequence.

“These lights crack me up Holtz.” The physicist pulled the blonde away from her desk with her hands, spinning her around in her chair, the engineer grinning madly.

“Well, I have it programmed to reflect my current mood. Red when I’m pissed, blue when I’m feeling a little down. I even have it set to turn yellow when I have to pee and brown when…”

“Oh my god, HOLTZ!” Erin let go of her girlfriend’s hands, glaring at her as the younger woman threw her head back and cackled.

“I’m kidding E. Maaaaaaybe.” Holtzmann grabbed the bottom of the physicist's sweater, pulling her into her lap and planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“What time is it babe? Almost closing time?”

“It’s almost 4:30 Holtzmann.”

“Eh, close enough. Wanna do a different kind of dancing?”

“Holtz, we still need to finish up…” Erin stopped as she felt the engineer slip a hand underneath the back of her sweater.

“Oh screw it, it’s Friday.”

Holtzmann smiled. “That’s my girl.”

* * *

Holtzmann sighed had she ran a finger over Erin’s bare arm, the couple lying on the physicist’s bed underneath a light sheet. Erin could barely keep her eyes open, having been at the receiving end of Holtz’s talented mouth and fingers for the majority of the evening (with an 90 minute break in-between to order and devour a pizza).

“You know what I miss?” Holtzmann’s voice had a dreamy quality to it.

“What do you miss Holtzy?”

The engineer pulled Erin closer to her, resting her head on the physicist’s bare breast.

“Busting. Being able to go out with my three favorite people in the whole wide world in the Ecto-1. The exhilaration of capturing a ghost. Seeing you get slime in your underwear.”

“Holtz…”

“I know, I know.” Holtzmann shook her head dismissively. “From a logistical and safety standpoint, it would be foolish for me to attempt to come on jobs with you guys. But still…” The engineer slipped a hand under the sheet and traced patterns on Erin’s stomach.

“We’ll figure out something Holtzy. Get some rest sweetheart.”

Right before she fell asleep, an idea popped into Erin’s head. She slumbered with a slight smile on her face.

* * *

 

“When you guys say you have a surprise for me it makes me nervous. I mean, I thought I was the designated Ghostbusters prankster.”

Holtzmann wheeled herself across the first floor, heading toward the door to the garage. Her three colleagues followed behind her.

“This is a good surprise baby. Trust us.”

“Uh-huh.” Holtzmann looked back at Patty before opening the door. Erin flipped on the light, revealing the Ecto-1 in its usual parking spot.

“Ok, I see the GB-Mobile is back from the shop. What kinda repairs did you say she needed again?”

“Follow me Holtzy.” Erin led the engineer to the driver’s side door, opening it with a huge grin.

“What? What is this?” Holtzmann’s eyes were like saucers, her mouth agape. “Is this - is this what I think it is?”

“We got you Holtz! We didn’t take the Ecto-1 in for new shocks and brakes. We got it fitted so you can drive again!” Abby slapped Holtzmann on her shoulders with glee.

Holtzmann looked at the hand controls next to the steering wheel, one for braking and the other for acceleration. There was also a touchscreen on the console to open the doors and adjust the seat, amongst other tasks.

“I don’t know what to say. This means so much…” Erin saw the tears in Holtzmann’s eyes and leaned down to wrap the engineer in a tight hug. Patty and Abby followed suit, the four women embracing for several moments.

“Thank you babe.” Holtzmann whispered in Erin’s ear before planting a tender kiss on her lips and pulling away. She wiped the tears from her eyes before turning her chair to face her friends.

“You know what this calls for?” A glint in the engineer’s eye made Erin nervous.

“What are you doing Holtz - no don’t!”

Holtzmann leaned over and slapped the air horn on her wheelchair’s armrest, causing the other women to screech in protest.

“HOLTZMANN!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few quick tidbits:
> 
> \- Holtzmann named her wheelchair after nuclear engineer pioneer [Lise Meitner.](http://bnrc.berkeley.edu/Famous-Women-in-Physical-Sciences-and-Engineering/lise-meitner.html)
> 
> \- This idea for Holtzmann's wheelchair sign came from this hilarious [photo](https://68.media.tumblr.com/e0ff579e91a650433003baaca0e3967e/tumblr_ohu8eq2dTk1vehx73o1_500.jpg) on Tumblr. I have no idea where it's from, but the small please cracks me up every time. 
> 
> \- Holtzbro the Younger came up with one of the bits of off-color humor in this chapter. I'm sure you'll catch it dude ;)
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and the nice comments!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some hilarity, some sportsing and a touch of smut. Happy weekend friends!

It had been a Thursday, one of the days Holtzmann spent the morning and most of the afternoon at the rehab center. Usually Erin would drop the engineer off and pick her up in the Holtzy-Mobile, but that particular morning there had been a Class 4 sighting at a local school. Erin regretfully had to call the shuttle from the center to pick Holtzmann up as she was shirking on her coveralls. The blonde rolled over to give her a brief kiss before she ran off, letting her know that it was fine, that kicking a ghost’s ass was more important.

Several hours later, Erin was waiting in the Holtzy-Mobile at the entrance to the center, eagerly anticipating seeing her girlfriend again after what proved to be another difficult bust (complete with slime getting in every one of her cracks...again). Her eyes brightened when she saw Holtzmann wheeling through the front automatic doors. She stepped out of the van to get the lift ready for the engineer when she stopped, a look of confusion on her face.

“Uh, Holtz? What is going on?”

“Oh this?”

Standing next to Holtzmann was one of the nurses, carrying what appeared to be a long metal seat with ice skates attached to the bottom. In Holtzmann’s lap were two oddly shaped hockey sticks, a helmet nestled between them.

“Remember when I told you about sled hockey a few weeks ago? Well, some of the Tuesday-Thursday crew have been practicing in the courtyard. We’ve torn up the shuffleboard court so they banned us. But we found a beginner’s league to take part in so we’re going have our first game tomorrow night! You can drive me, right?”

Erin stood silently, watching as the nurse opened the back door to the van, placing the sled inside. He nodded at the physicist before turning and giving Holtzmann a fist bump.

“Good luck Holtz! See ya next week!”

“Bye Dave!” Holtzmann waved at the staff member before looking up at her girlfriend.

“Are you mad at me? I mean it’s safe. Mostly. And a lot of fun. Pleeeeeeeease babe?!”

Erin blinked. “Holtzmann, I am not your mother - you are an adult. And if you want to play this sled hockey thing, far be it for me to stop you.” The physicist secured Holtzmann in the van’s lift and activated it, the engineer leaning over and kissing her when she was at eye-level.

“I love ya babe. And you’ll have a ball watching. Trust me!”

Erin swallowed.  _ I need to remind myself to pack an extra Valium when I’m watching this. _

* * *

Erin warmed her hands with a tepid cup of concession stand hot chocolate as she watched Holtzmann slide across the ice surface on her sled. It had been a month since Holtzmann and some of her friends from the rehab center had formed a rag-tag co-ed sled hockey team and joined a beginner’s league. Their first few games had been painful to watch, the players still learning not only how to maneuver on the ice, but also mastering using their sticks to both propel their bodies and play the puck. But as with almost everything the engineer did, she was determined to improve and absorb every bit of information she could about the sport.

Holtzmann had spent hours watching instructional videos, taking copious notes as she did so. Her workout routine in the firehouse’s small gym had become more intense, focusing on increasing both her arm strength and core muscles. And in true Holtzmann fashion, she tinkered endlessly with her sled, trying to make it as lightweight and sturdy as possible. When it was adjusted to her satisfaction, she took it upon herself to do the same to all her teammates’ sleds as well.

As nerve racking as it was for Erin to see Holtzmann careen across the ice, slamming into the boards and diving for pucks, the look of joy and concentration on the engineer’s face quelled part of her anxiety. But what Erin most enjoyed seeing was Holtzmann acting as the de-facto coach, cheering and encouraging her teammates on. She’d gather them in a huddle during breaks in play and sketch formations and plans on the iPad she kept on the bench, her face glowing with both excitement and determination. 

The team had improved. Erin bit her lip as she glanced at the scoreboard - the game was tied at two with less than three minutes to play. A movement on the ice grabbed her attention - Holtzmann had neatly stripped the puck from a defender and was blazing toward the opponent’s goal. The goaltender dived forward in an attempt to pokecheck and Holtz deked ever so slightly, flipping the puck with her stick over the goalie’s right shoulder and into the net.

Erin didn’t know who yelled louder - Holtzmann, who raised her arms in triumph, the engineer’s teammates, or herself when she jumped up and screamed, drawing some strange looks from the spectators around her. The physicist sheepishly smiled and sat back down, her heart pounding from the thrill of seeing her girlfriend score. She wrung her hands as she watched the final seconds tick down on the scoreboard, standing up once again and cheering when the game ended, Holtzmann’s team emerging victorious for the very first time. Erin felt tears pool in her eyes seeing Holtz mobbed by her teammates, a broad smile on the engineer’s face. Their eyes briefly met, and Erin’s heart warmed by the look of pure joy on her girlfriend’s face. 

Erin waited by the ice rink’s exit with Holtzmann’s portable wheelchair, helping her girlfriend unstrap herself from the sled and sink into the chair. 

“That was so exciting Holtzmann! I’m so proud of you!”

“Thanks E!” Holtzmann pulled off her helmet, revealing a mess of sweaty, matted curls stuck to her head. She handed it to Erin along with her sticks, taking a swig from the water bottle in her lap as something behind Erin caught her attention.

“Hey it’s Dave and Elise from the center! I’m gonna talk to them quick, be right back ok?” Holtzmann gave Erin a quick wink before wheeling over to her friends, both of them slapping the engineer on the back in congratulations.

Erin took the opportunity to load the Holtzy-Mobile of the younger woman’s sled and other equipment. When she returned to the rink, she watched her girlfriend excitedly conversing with her friends.

_ She is so adorable when she’s like this. God, I love her so much... _

Once Holtzmann had bid her friends goodbye, she rolled over to Erin, grinning widely. The physicist bent over to give the engineer a brief kiss and pulled away, wrinkling her nose.

“Sorry Holtz, but you stink.”

“Whaaaaaaa?” Holtzmann feigned shock. “I mean c’mon E - you saw how I was busting my ass out there. What’s a little sweat between ladies eh?” The blonde lightly bumped Erin’s shin with one of the wheels of her chair as she wiggled her eyebrows.

“I’m sorry Holtzy, but you need to shower before I take you anywhere. You’re...rank.”

“Alright, alright.” Holtzmann headed down the hallway to the locker room. “You can come in Erin, I’m sure everyone’s gone by now.”

The physicist followed her girlfriend into the ladies’ locker room. Holtzmann rolled over to the row of lockers and put in the combo on her padlock, pulling a towel from her gym bag. She slung it around her shoulders and gave Erin a smoldering look.

“What?”

“Wanna help the game’s MVP get clean?”

“Holtz, I know you’re capable of doing it your - hey! What are you doing?”

The engineer had rolled up on Erin and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her into her lap. She held her girlfriend tight against her body as she used her other hand to maneuver herself toward the showers.

“Holtz, now you’re getting me all stinky too!”

“Well, we’re just going to have to take care of that, aren’t we?”

The younger woman moved to one of the showerheads in the open shower area, and once underneath it, she cranked the faucet on the wall to turn the spray on.

“OH MY GOD HOLTZMANN!”

Erin yelped as lukewarm water sprayed on her fully clothed back, herself and the engineer becoming soaked in seconds. Holtzmann cackled as she turned the handle to make the temperature of the water warmer.

“Have you lost your mind?!”

“Never had one babe. But while we’re already wet…”

Holtzmann grabbed Erin’s now wet hair and pulled her down for a open-mouthed kiss, tugging at the bottom of the physicist’s t-shirt.

“I’ve always loved a good wet t-shirt contest, but I think we should both be naked now,” the engineer growled against Erin’s neck, licking at the drops of water that were beading off of it.

“Holtz -”

Erin acquiesced and lifted her arms, the t-shirt hitting the floor with a loud plop. Holtzmann wasted no time in pushing up the physicist’s bra, taking one of her nipples into her mouth.

“Oh god -” Erin ground her hips as she tugged on her girlfriend’s wet hair. She could feel Holtzmann smiling against her breast.

“I’m gonna get you dirty before I clean you all up.”

Erin’s moans echoed through the empty locker room for the next half hour.

* * *

Abby was just settling in for the evening with a cup of tea and a good book in bed when her phone rang. She frowned when she saw the caller ID.

“Erin? Everything ok? It’s almost 10 o’clock.”

“Yeah, uh. Everything’s fine. Just fine.” Abby’s eyebrows furrowed at the slight shakiness in the physicist’s voice. “I need to ask a favor, ok?”

“What is it Erin? What do you need?”

There was a beat of silence, and had Abby not known any better, she would have sworn she heard Holtzmann snicker in the background.

“I need you to bring me a change of clothes over to the ice arena.”

“Wait what?”

“They’re all wet!” Erin was getting exasperated. “And Holtz tried to get them dry under the hand dryers but when she attempted to increase the power to them, she shorted out half the building.”

“I said I was sorry!” Abby now definitely heard Holtzmann in the background.

“Erin, how did your clothes get wet?”

There was no answer but the sound of Holtzmann humming “bow chicka-bow-wow” just loud enough so Abby could hear.

“Oh my god, you didn’t! I don’t - what is wrong with you two?”

“Abby, please. I’ll buy you a whole cheesecake from that bakery in Brooklyn you love so much. Just bring me something to wear home.”

Abby sighed. “Make that two cheesecakes. I have to put pants back on for this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're unfamiliar with sled hockey (often referred to as sledge hockey or its "official" name, para ice hockey), here's a [short video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izbzS2GlMdc) from the last Paralympic Winter Games. It's fascinating and fun to watch. I have so much admiration for these athletes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little anxious posting this chapter. I mean hello, it's smutty (though fairly tame for me), but it's a subject I don't have any personal knowledge about. Hopefully I did enough research to make this seem realistic...

Erin looked over at Holtzmann. It had been two hours since Erin picked up her up at the rehab center and brought her back to the firehouse. The engineer was poking around inside one of the proton packs with a screwdriver. The blonde had barely spoken since returning.

The physicist knew something was bothering Holtzmann. She was afraid to ask the question.

_ It’s been three months of bliss. Things were bound to catch up with her at some point. She still loves you, don’t worry. _

“Holtz?”

The engineer lifted her head up from her work, giving Erin a wan smile. “Whassup hot stuff?”

“Not much. Are you okay? You seem...quiet today.”

Holtzmann shrugged. “Just thinking about things. No biggie."

“You want to talk about it or -”

The blonde cut Erin off. “Not right now. Maybe later?” Holtzmann’s expression looked pained, making the physicist feel a pang in the middle of her chest. 

“Sure - whatever you want sweetheart.” Erin moved from her desk to Holtzmann’s workbench, leaning down to give her girlfriend a hug and a quick peck on the lips. “I need to go downstairs for a bit. Holler if you need me.”

Holtzmann gave Erin a two-fingered salute, a faint smile on her lips. “Aye, aye captain.”

The physicist sighed as she descended the stairs.

_ No one said this would be easy. _

* * *

Erin tried not to stare, but she was always amused by the way Holtzmann voraciously attacked her food. The physicist made a pan of mac and cheese for her girlfriend for dinner, knowing it was one of her favorites. She was in the midst of shoveling in her second bowl of the night.

The fact that Holtzmann’s tongue made multiple appearances during said shoveling was also somewhat distracting to Erin.

Once finished, Holtzmann deposited her fork in the empty bowl with a clank. She nodded approvingly while patting her stomach. “That was great babe - thanks.”

Erin knew the engineer appreciated the meal, but she could still sense her smile was forced, her cheery attitude a put-on. The physicist slid her hand across the table to cover her girlfriend’s. “Holtz, please. Tell me what’s wrong. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it. Together.”

“I -” Holtzmann swallowed, her gaze off somewhere in the distance. “I’ve been talking about something lately with one of the psychiatrists at the center. I’m just...mulling it over.”

Erin rubbed Holtzmann’s knuckle with her thumb, waiting for her to continue.

The blonde turned her head to look her girlfriend in the eyes. “Are you satisfied with me Erin?”

The physicist was dumbfounded. “Of course I am Holtz. In every way imaginable.” Erin bit her lip. “Am I not appreciating you enough? Am I doing something that makes you feel sad?”

“No, no. I’m just projecting a bit. I mean…” Holtzmann shook her head. “If I were you I’d be pretty bummed that I never got to reciprocate.”

“Is that what this is about? Hey…” Erin moved her hand to Holtzmann’s cheek, stroking it lovingly. “Honey, of course I want to reciprocate. You just always seem nervous when I attempt it so I thought you weren’t ready for it.”

“I want to be ready for it. I mean, I think I am ready for it. But…” The engineer’s voice was nearly a whisper. “I’m scared.”

“Holtzy - don’t be scared.” Erin leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend on the forehead. “We’ll take this wherever you want to go. There’s no pressure.”

“They say…” the blonde’s voice wavered. “They say I might be able to...feel something. That it’s possible. But I don’t know if I can let myself lose control like that.”

“Then don’t. Holtz, tell me what you want. What you need.”

The engineer grabbed Erin by her hips and pulled her into her lap, running her fingers through her hair as she kissed her. When they parted Holtzmann murmured, “I want you to make me feel things Erin. I want you to touch me.” Holtzmann’s eyes darkened. 

“I want you to make me come.”

Holtzmann’s words made Erin shiver. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t fantasized what it would be like to make the engineer come undone. Just the other day she had gotten herself off in the shower, thinking of Holtzmann underneath her, writhing in ecstasy, screaming her name…

She felt the younger woman’s hand slip under the back of her blouse, kneading the bare flesh above her hips. In response, Erin began to place small nibbles on Holtzmann’s neck, enjoying the breathy moans of the engineer. 

“Holtz, let’s go to my bedroom. I want to feel you naked underneath me.”

The engineer groaned again before pulling Erin toward her so their foreheads touched. She could tell Holtzmann was struggling with both her nervousness and her desire. Erin pressed a finger to her lips.

“Holtzy. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll stop if you need me to. I want to make you feel good. Ok?”

Holtzmann nodded before she began to push her wheelchair toward the bedroom, Erin still nestled in her lap. Once inside, the physicist slid off Holtzmann and shut the door behind them. She began to remove her clothes slowly, reveling in the way Holtzmann’s breaths became more labored, the way she licked her lips when she stood in front of her, clad only in a bra and lacy panties.

“Let’s get you into bed Holtzmann. I want to undress you.”

The engineer smirked before maneuvering herself next to the edge up the bed, lifting herself on top of the comforter. Once she positioned herself in the middle, Holtzmann folded her hands behind her head, giving Erin a mischievous smile. 

“Have at it hot stuff.”

Erin wasted no time in moving to straddle the engineer, leaning down to capture her girlfriend’s lips with her own. As she kissed down Holtzmann’s neck, Erin unbuttoned the vest she was wearing over a t-shirt. She abruptly grabbed the blonde’s hair in her hands, lifting her upper body off the bed, Holtzmann groaning in response. Erin kissed Holtzmann passionately, keeping one hand in the engineer’s hair while using the other to remove the vest from her girlfriend’s shoulders. 

“Arms up sweetheart.”

Holtzmann obediently lifted up her arms, allowing Erin to pull the t-shirt over her head, the sports bra following immediately afterward. With her top half disrobed, the physicist gently pushed Holtzmann back down on the bed. Erin adjusted herself so she was resting directly on top of the younger woman, her satin-clad breasts rubbing against Holtzmann’s chest.

“HNGH.”

“Like that Holtzy?” Erin breathed into her girlfriend’s ear before taking the lobe into her mouth and sucking on it hard.

“Oh god.” Holtzmann’s moan was loud and throaty, Erin immediately feeling an increase in the dampness of her panties. The physicist moved to kiss Holtzmann again before attacking her other ear, the blonde wrapping her hands in auburn hair as she did so. After several minutes, Erin pressed her forehead against Holtzmann’s while trailing a hand down the younger woman’s stomach, lightly rubbing the skin below her belly button.

“Can you feel that?” Erin breathed, her lips inches away from Holtzmann’s.

“Yeah.” The engineer’s voice was soft and ragged, her eyes half closed with desire. 

“Is it ok if I make you naked now?” Erin continued to stroke the skin above the waistband of her girlfriend’s pants, reveling in the way Holtzmann was shivering underneath her.

“Please, baby.” 

Erin tried not to smirk at the way the blonde practically whimpered. She sat up and rolled off Holtzmann, the engineer expelling a soft sigh. She moved to stand near the edge of the bed, bending over to unbutton and unzip Holtzmann’s corduroy pants. Her dark blue eyes met her icy blue counterpart's, waiting for a nod in the affirmative before sliding off the younger woman’s pants, taking extra care in lifting up Holtzmann’s legs one at a time to pull them completely off. 

After tossing the pants on the floor, Erin looked back down at a flushed Holtzmann, the blonde’s lips parted. She was only clad in a pair of boxer shorts and socks. It was then that Erin realized she had never seen Holtzmann without her boxers on unless in the shower, the engineer always keeping them on even during their most passionate lovemaking. The physicist felt a pang of sadness, knowing she probably kept them on in shame.

“Can I take these off?” Erin reached down to slip her fingers under the shorts’ waistband, looking back at Holtzmann who was now biting her lip. The blonde nodded slowly, unable to speak.  The physicist slid the garment off, sucking in a deep breath when saw a completely nude Holtzmann on the bed below her.

“You are gorgeous, do you know that?”

“Oh c’mon E…”

“No.” Erin positioned herself back on the bed, one thigh between the engineer’s legs, her arms on either side of Holtzmann’s head. She moved one hand to caress her girlfriend’s cheek.

“You are so beautiful Holtzmann. And I love you so, so much. I want to try and make you feel good ok? Can I do that?”

Holtzmann’s eyes got wide for a moment before speaking. “I don’t think I’ve wanted anything more in my life.”

Erin moved then to kiss the engineer. As their tongues intertwined, she moved a hand down to cup one of Holtzmann’s breasts, dragging her thumb across the nipple. The blonde’s back arched off the bed slightly, a strangled moan escaping her mouth.

“You like that huh?” Erin spoke huskily against Holtzmann’s lips, a wide grinning spreading across her face.

“Yesssss. I’m um, quite sensitive there.”

“Good.” Erin raised an eyebrow before gliding down Holtzmann’s body, placing soft kisses on her left breast before taking the nipple in her mouth and sucking.

“Oh god,” Holtzmann rasped, threading her hands through the physicist's hair. When Erin bit down lightly on the nipple, the engineer hissed. Erin looked up at her girlfriend. “No, it’s good. So good baby. Keep going.”

Erin spent the next few minutes sucking and nipping on both of Holtzmann’s breasts, fondling the one that was not receiving the most attention. The engineer’s chest was heaving, breathy moans reverberating throughout the bedroom. When the physicist felt they both were ready, she moved back up Holtzmann’s body to give her a passionate kiss.

“Do you want me to touch you now? It’s ok if you don’t want me to.”

“Please,” Holtzmann whispered. “I want you to try.”

Erin nodded before kissing the blonde once more. She placed soft kisses on her neck, her chest, moving her hand downward. She was startled when she felt one of the engineer’s hands grab her wrist.

“Wait. No, it’s good E. It’s just -” Holtzmann struggled to finish her sentence. “I was told things might be easier for you with lube. Because I’m not sure how well I’m responding…”

“It’s fine honey. Hang on.” Erin leaned over to grab a tube out of her nightstand drawer. She squeezed a dollop on her fingers, spreading and coating them evenly. The physicist placed the tube on the bed alongside her and looked back up at her girlfriend.

“Erin, please.” She saw the want in Holtzmann’s eyes, the need. It was one of the hottest things she had ever seen in her life. 

She brought her fingers down to Holtzmann’s center, rubbing slow circles on her clit with two of them. Erin tried to gauge the younger woman’s reactions, noting she was still breathing heavily, her eyes almost closed. The physicist continued to stroke her, moving back up to once again suck on one of Holtzmann’s nipples, knowing that it turned her on immensely.

“Fuck, baby.”

Holtzmann gripped the sheets with one hand, Erin’s back with the other. After several minutes, the physicist felt her girlfriend gasp loudly beneath her.

“Oh god Erin, I’m feeling something. I think I’m -”

Holtzmann’s back completely arched off the bed, her lips formed in a silent scream. Erin could feel her pulsing beneath her fingers, slowing down her strokes until the engineer’s breaths slowed, her body coming back to rest on the bed. She moved to hold Holtzmann in her arms, rocking her and kissing the sweaty mop of hair on top of her head. She could feel the blonde’s tears on her shoulder.

“Shhhh, Holtzy. It’s ok, let it all out.”

When Holtzmann’s whimpers ceased Erin kissed her on the forehead, giving her a bright smile. The engineer’s eyes were still glassy, unfocused, a faint smile on her face.

“Was that good? How was it?”

“It was...different. Not as intense as most I’ve had before…” Holtzmann shook her head. “But it was nice. They say orgasms in women are more mental than anything else. And you know I’m mental.” The engineer snorted, before her expression turned serious. “God Erin, I’m so lucky to have you.”

“Likewise.” 

The couple kissed, Erin stifling a moan when Holtzmann bit down on her lower lip. When they parted, the younger woman had a mischievous look on her face.

“I’m allowed a ten minute rest break, right?”

“Sure Holtzy. But what are you taking a break from?”

Holtzmann whispered in the physicist’s ear.

“I need my energy back before I rock your world.”

Erin shivered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I really hope that seemed genuine and not contrived. Feel free to rip me a new one in the comments. Or praise me. Either is good.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little late in getting this up, but today was the first day I actually felt human after being sick, so...
> 
> Anyway, tissue alert. You'll thank me later.

Holtzmann sat in the driver’s seat of the Ecto-1, turning the small proton handgun over and over in her hands. She had created the small weapon for herself just in case, a portable piece of protection in the event a ghost might try to sneak out of the building while her three colleagues were busting.

She had never had to use it. But still…

_ Always be prepared Holtzy… _

The engineer smiled, looking up when the front door to the apartment building at their job was opened. Patty’s voice floated outward.

“Well, look on the bright side baby. You only got slime in your hair, not in your cracks today.”

The three Ghostbusters filed out, Erin with a huge dollop of ecto-plasm in her hair, Patty with a comforting hand on her shoulder. Abby followed them, holding up a smoking ghost trap with a look of pride on her face.

“A class four Holtzy! Your lady zapped it to hell. She got a little too close though…”

After shrugging off her proton pack and handing it to Patty, a disgruntled looking Erin opened the passenger-side door to the Ecto-1. Holtzmann patted the seat next to her, a towel already draped over it.

“I got it all ready for you baby. Hop in!”

Once Erin slid into the seat Holtzmann leaned over to give her girlfriend a kiss on the lips. “Proud of you hot stuff,” she murmured before smiling and turning back to stick her head out the driver’s side window.

“You almost done loading up? Dr. Gilbert has a date with Holtzy’s-Slime-B-Gone shampoo.”

“Keep your pants on Holtzy!” Patty shouted from the back of the hearse, loading up the last of the proton packs. Herself and Abby slid in the back seat shortly thereafter, Abby bending forward to squeeze Holtzmann’s shoulder.

“Let’s go Holtz.”

The engineer let out a whoop before turning the Ecto-1’s engines on, gleefully maneuvering herself out of the parking spot and weaving through traffic. She put a hand on Erin’s upper thigh and winked. When the physicist could only muster a half smile the blonde frowned.

_ She’s not usually this upset when she gets slimed. Eh, I’ll make it up to her in the shower… _

Holtzmann whistled the entire drive back to the firehouse.

* * *

The lights in the wheels of Holtzmann’s chair were flashing blue.

After arriving back at the firehouse, the engineer offered to help Erin rinse the slime out of her hair. When the physicist shook her head forlornly and declined, Holtzmann was disappointed. It wasn’t just because she was denied naked time with Erin (as she liked to call it), but that her girlfriend had outright refused her company. It stung a bit.

_ Getting slimed is gross, you know that. She’s probably just tired, especially after last night… _

The engineer smirked as she tightened one of the bolts on Abby’s proton packs. She had heard the shower shut off from the floor above moments ago, anticipating a squeaky clean Erin joining her down in the lab shortly.  _ Maybe a mid-afternoon makeout session will cheer her up… _

“Hey Holtzy?”

Holtzmann looked up to see Patty standing at the other end of her workbench.

“Yeah? What’s up Pattycakes?”

“Abby and I are hankering for some midday coffee. Wanna come with me to grab some for everyone?”

“Ah,” the engineer put her wrench down on the workbench. “I believe you’re asking to use my lap for a cupholder, aren’t ya?”

“No, I enjoy your company. And well, yes, your lap is a nice convenience baby.”

Holtzmann smiled as she pushed herself away from the table. “Holtzmann coffee carrying service at the ready ma’am.” She gave the historian a two-fingered salute. 

Patty frowned at Holtzmann’s wheelchair as they headed toward the elevator.

“Turn off those damn lights off when we go out Holtzy.” Patty rolled her eyes.

“Oh c’mon, not even the rainbow ones?”

“No way.”

“Oh fiiiiiiiiiiine.” Holtzmann pressed the button on the elevator to descend to the first floor.

* * *

“When you said coffee, I thought you meant the Starbucks around the corner, not the cafe four blocks away.” Holtzmann shook her head as she entered the firehouse door that Patty was holding open for her. “I would’ve brought my racing gloves, I don’t want these precious commodities to get too rough.” The blonde wiggled her fingers for emphasis.

“Sorry Holtzy, Abby had a craving for those scones we got. And you can still work on your crazy inventions with rough hands.”

“That’s true. But I don’t think Erin appreciates the callouses when I use my fingers to -”

“Holtz!”

The engineer cackled.

“You know I love you, but I don’t want any details about the nasty shit you two do behind closed doors.”

“Who says we always do it in a room with doors?” The engineer raised an eyebrow.

“Holtzy, I swear to god…”

“I’m kidding, kidding. Hey -” Holtzmann looked around the first floor in confusion. “Where is everybody?”

“Oh,” Patty shifted from leg to leg uncomfortably. “Abby texted me when we were waiting in line at the cafe. They want to have their coffee on the roof since it was such a nice day out.”

“Okay then.” Holtzmann’s brow furrowed at the odd way Patty was acting. She also couldn’t recall Patty checking her phone while they were at the cafe.

_ Maybe I spaced out a bit and didn’t notice… _

Holtzmann shrugged and headed for the elevator, turning to Patty as the doors closed. “You wanna grab Kev to push me up the stairs?” Since the elevator stopped at the third floor, the engineer had constructed a ramp to place over the stairs to the roof. Unfortunately the ramp was rather steep and the stairway somewhat narrow, so Holtzmann needed someone to assist her in getting to the top.

“Sure thing Holtzy. Here -” Patty gave Holtzmann the box of scones in exchange for the cup holder with four cups of coffee in her lap. “Better you spill scones on yourself than hot coffee if Kevin loses his grip like last time.”

Holtzmann chuckled, remembering when Kevin had let go of her chair about halfway up the ramp because “he felt a sneeze coming on.” The engineer had rolled backward, the chair turning on its side when it reached the bottom. Erin had come running to her in a panic, worried she had injured herself again. When Holtz had screamed out “I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS” in mock pain, Erin had scrunched up her nose and stomped off, refusing to talk to the engineer for the next two hours.

The elevator doors opened up to the third floor, Holtzmann rolling out before Patty. “Ok, just check to make sure Kev took his allergy medicine today, so I don’t have to deal with the repercussions of a sneezing fit.” Patty guffawed before walking up the stairs to the roof. 

While waiting, Holtzmann hummed to herself, spinning her chair. She stopped when she heard Kevin at the bottom of the stairs.

“Need help boss?”

Holtzmann spun to face the receptionist. “You got the ramp set up Kev?”

“Oh.” Holtzmann shook her head as Kevin turned to grab the foldable ramp the engineer had hung up on the inside of the door to the roof. The receptionist took several minutes to ensure the ramp was secure, with some cheerful encouragement from Holtzmann. Once it was ready, Kevin moved behind the blonde, pushing her up the steep ramp with ease.

“I’m glad this is finally happening so Erin will finally stop being so nervous.”

“Huh, what?” Holtzmann turned back to look at Kevin. “Nervous about what?”

“Here we are.”

Holtzmann’s confusion increased when she saw that the roof was lit by several T iki torches, Erin standing in the middle of them, biting her lip while wringing her hands. Kevin rolled the engineer to come to a stop right in front of her, patting Holtz on the shoulder before walking over to the side to join Abby and Patty.

“E - what is all this? What’s going on?”

The physicist took a step to grab Holtzmann’s hands, the blonde noting they were trembling. She recognized the look on Erin’s face.

_ That’s the look she gets when she’s about to have a panic attack. What’s wrong, what did I do? _

“Holtz -” Erin swallowed before starting again. “Holtz, when I met you I was angry and annoyed, but you walked up to me with a blowtorch in one hand and shook my hand with the other and it was like I had forgotten why I had come to Higgins in the first place. I never believed in love at first sight until you winked at me a few moments later. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was a goner right then and there.” The physicist let out a shaky breath. “When Patty called me to tell me there had been an accident, when I saw you in that hospital bed, looking so small, when I held you in my arms because you had realized you couldn’t feel your legs, I knew.” 

Erin looked into Holtzmann’s eyes, tears now running down the physicist’s cheeks.

“I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Holtzmann’s mouth dropped open, not believing, not quite comprehending what she was hearing.

“It’s been hard, for both of us. But through it all you’re still the same goofy, lovable, brilliant dork I fell in love with all those months ago. Holtzmann -” Erin kneeled down next to the wheelchair, fishing a small box out of her tweed suit coat pocket. When she opened it, Erin revealed a dark silver band nestled in the middle. She stroked Holtzmann’s knuckle with her thumb with her other hand before speaking again.

“Holtzmann, will you marry me?”

Memories filtered through Holtzmann’s head - the first time she had laid eyes on Erin, wearing that tweed suit with the tiny bowtie. Dancing with the blowtorches, trying desperately to impress her. Falling out the window, thinking how she’d never be able to tell her how much she loved her. All those endless days and nights at rehab, Erin at her side. The physicist moaning her name underneath her, looking more beautiful than anything she had ever seen in her life. Crying in Erin’s arms, her girlfriend making her feel things she never thought she’d feel again.

Holtzmann looked into Erin’s watery eyes and realized that she too was crying. That she was staring at the person who represented the other half of her soul.

“I would like nothing more than to be your wife Erin.” 

The physicist heaved a sigh of relief before leaning forward to kiss the younger woman, Holtzmann running her fingers through auburn hair. The blonde could faintly hear Patty and Abby cheering in the distance, Kevin clapping. But all that mattered was Erin’s lips on her own, her heart hammering in her ears for the woman she loved. 

The couple pressed their foreheads together when breaking apart, laughing through their tears. Erin presented the small box to Holtzmann once more, nervousness again taking over. “It’s tungsten, I hope it’s okay…”

Holtzmann carefully took the ring out of the box and slipped it on her finger. “Is this because I’m the filament to your light bulb?”

“Do you not like it, I can -”

The engineer silenced Erin with a kiss. 

“I love it. Almost as must as I love you. It’s perfect.”

Before they could embrace again, the couple was nearly tackled to the ground by Abby, who pulled them in a bear hug. Patty soon followed, then Kevin. Holtzmann’s voice filtered faintly from the middle of the group hug.

“I love you guys, but breathing is good. I don’t want to suffocate before the wedding.”

“Oops, oops sorry!” Abby exclaimed before untangling herself. “We’re just so happy for the two of you - Erin’s been freaking out about this for days.”

Holtzmann’s eyes narrowed at Patty. “That’s why we went to the cafe four blocks away! You needed to distract me while Erin was getting ready!”

Patty held up her hands. “Guilty as charged. You know I’m a sucker for a good romance story. Even if y’all are nasty at times.”

Holtzmann turned to Erin. “And was that why you were so upset you got slimed earlier?”

The physicist shrugged. “I had finally gotten up the courage to ask you today and then that damn ghost had to barf slime on my head. I was so annoyed I had to take a shower again!”

“C’mere you.” Holtzmann pulled Erin off her knees and into her lap, kissing her soundly. She didn’t know how much time had passed, just when herself and the physicist broke apart their friends were gone, the only sounds the noise on the streets below and their breaths intermingling with one another’s.

“Erin -”

“Yes Holtz?”

“I love you.”

The physicist stroked the blonde’s hair. “I love you too Holtzy.”

Erin settled into Holtzmann’s lap, leaning her head against the engineer’s, the younger woman’s arms around her waist. They watched the city bustling below them as the sun set.

Holtzmann smiled. 

_ Perfect. This is perfect. _


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around until the end of this. I hope you've enjoyed the ride...

“Dammit Holtzy, stop fidgeting!”

“I can’t help it! It’s the nerves of a hot chick who is moments away from coming off the market.”

The engineer was spinning around in her wheelchair in the lab, tapping her fingers incessantly on the armrests. She wore a tailored light gray suit, pastel green shirt and a purple tie (dotted with small cartoon ghosts). A pair of freshly polished wingtips and perfectly coiffed hair completed her wedding day ensemble.

“I can’t believe Erin let you decorate your chair like that.” Patty raised her eyebrow at the rainbow crepe paper and flowers that adorned Holtzmann’s chair, her usual sign on the back modified to say “ALMOST HITCHED.”

“Well, she doesn’t exactly know about it yet…” Holtzmann did her best to stifle a chuckle.

“Holtzy! Erin’s gonna kill you!”

“Nah, nah.” The engineer waved her hand. “She’ll be so mesmerized by my snappy dress and my baby blues, she’s not even going to notice.”

Patty put her hands on her hips.

“Uh…” the blonde looked nervous. “Take off the crepe paper then. But the flowers and sign are staying.”

“You are such a weirdo Holtzy.” Patty carefully removed the crepe paper from the chair and placed it on top of Holtzmann’s workbench.

“Thanks for the compliment Pattycakes.” The engineer winked at the historian over her shoulder, Patty rolling her eyes in response.

“Did you sleep well last night baby?”

“I didn’t sleep at all actually…”

“Aw, nervous Holtzy?” Patty squeezed the engineer’s shoulder.

“Not really. I -” Holtzmann fiddled with her ghost cufflinks. “I just missed having Erin next to me. I can’t remember the last night we’ve slept apart.” Erin had spent the night before at her apartment, at Patty and Abby’s insistence the couple follow “tradition” and not see one another before the wedding.

“It was only one night.” Patty tilted her head to look at the engineer, who was still fidgeting. “You’re finding it a bit surreal right now, aren't ya?”

“Maybe, it’s just -” Holtzmann sighed. “Part of my persona for so long was being this flirty, carefree lady-killer. And yeah, a lot of it was bullshit. I never got laid as much as I implied as I did. And I certainly was never good at relationships. But then came Erin and…”

“You changed,” Patty said knowingly.

The engineer nodded. “Yeah. I did. And I was so afraid once I had my accident, I’d never have a chance with her. A chance with anyone really. But she never treated me different.” Holtzmann played with one of the buttons on her vest.

“I never thought anyone could love me as much as she does. Hell, I never thought I’d fall for someone as hard as I’ve fallen for Erin.”

“Aw Holtzy, c’mere.” Patty held her arms out for the blonde to roll into, the historian kissing the top of her head as Holtzmann wrapped her arms around the waist of Patty’s red dress. “I love the two of you dearly, but you have a special place in my heart. You drive me crazy and you scare me sometimes, but you’re my girl Holtzy.”

“I love you too Pattycakes.” Holtzmann’s voice was muffled.

Patty pulled away, wiping a stray tear from her eye. She fluffed the top of Holtzmann’s hair and straightened her yellow-tinted glasses on her nose, slightly askew from the embrace.

“C’mon baby. You got a gorgeous lady to marry.”

* * *

“Did she text yet?”

“For the third time in two minutes, NO. Good grief Erin, chill. Your anxiety is giving me hives.”

Abby and Erin were sitting in the reception area of the firehouse, awaiting a text from Patty to let them know everything was set up on the roof for the physicist to make her walk down the aisle. Abby was currently sitting comfortably on the couch, watching Erin pace while flipping the bouquet of wildflowers in her hands nervously.

“You look really beautiful you know?” Abby said softly.

The physicist stopped moving to look at her friend. “Do I?”

“You’re stunning. Holtz’s mouth is going to drop.”

Erin looked down at the simple cream off the shoulder dress she was wearing, complemented by a pair of similarly colored pumps. Her hair was styled in a simple up-do, a string of pearls around her neck.

“You really think so Abs?”

Abby stood up to face her. “Erin - I know so.”

The physicist gave her head a small shake and began to pace again. “I’m just so nervous. And unsure. Part of me expects me to walk down that aisle and you’ll have no one to give me away to because Holtz will have realized she made a big mistake and booked it.”

“Erin,” Abby placed her hands on the physicist’s shoulders and turned her to face her. “I’ve known you longer than anyone else besides family. Sure, there was a break where we didn’t talk, for silly reasons. But I know you. And Holtzmann completes you. She makes you a better person. You make her a better person, which to be honest, knowing Holtzy, I didn’t think was possible at times. You’re so much more open and less self-conscious and well, happy since the two of you got together.”

“If that’s not true love Erin, I don’t know what is.”

The physicist looked down at her shoes. “When I - we almost lost her, it scared me so much. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I never want to spend another moment apart…” Erin sniffed, tears starting to form in the corner of her eyes.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to ruin your makeup right before the ceremony.” Abby grabbed a tissue off of Kevin’s desk, handing in to Erin who used it to daintily wipe her eyes.

“No worries, I used waterproof mascara on purpose. I knew I was going to be a hot mess during this.” Erin giggled, throwing the balled up tissue into a nearby wastebasket. She gave her friend a warm smile. “Thanks, Abs.”

“You’re welcome, Er.” A buzzing sound from the couch made Abby turn her head. She picked up her phone from one of the cushions and smiled. “It’s showtime!” Abby extended the crook of her elbow out, her fist balled up against her hip. “You ready for me to give you away?”

“Yeah,” Erin said softly. “I am.”

* * *

 

The ceremony was small and simple on the firehouse’s rooftop, attended by a smattering of close friends and acquaintances. Abby gave Erin away (the physicist invited her parents, but they somewhat politely declined to attend), and as she predicted, Holtz’s mouth dropped once she saw her future wife.

“Holtzy, you’re gonna catch flies.” Patty leaned down to admonish the engineer as they watched Erin approaching. The engineer shut her mouth with a snap, her eyes still wide as saucers.

Abby squeezed Holtzmann’s shoulder as she let go of Erin’s arm once they had made it to the welded metal arch the engineer had made for the occasion. It was strung up with white lights, Holtzmann and Patty standing underneath it. Erin grabbed the blonde’s hands and faced her, giving the younger woman a nervous smile. Holtzmann winked, earning a light swat on the back of her chair from the historian.

Patty had convinced her uncle, a deacon, to perform the brief ceremony. He cleared his throat before reading the statements the couple had prepared.

The couple’s vows highlighted the ceremony, Erin reading hers off an index card, her free hand twitching before Holtzmann grabbed it, smiling brightly. The engineer ad-libbed hers, punctuating it with phrases like “my future smoking hot wife” and “the best kisser in the universe,” causing Erin to turn a deep shade of red. Holtzmann closed her vows with sincerity though, telling the physicist that “you mean everything to me and more,” a single tear falling down the blonde’s cheek.

Once the vows were completed, Patty’s uncle smiled. “It is my honor to declare you married and invite you to kiss one another.”

“No invitation needed,” Holtzmann murmured before Erin placed her bouquet in the engineer’s lap and leaned down to kiss her. When they pulled apart, smiling, the attendees applauded and cheered.

Erin grabbed Holtzmann’s hand to walk back up the aisle. The couple only moved a few feet before the blonde paused.

“Wait! I almost forgot!” Holtzmann turned to flip the sign on the back of her chair, now reading “JUST MARRIED.” Patty murmured “Oh Holtzy,” when the engineer flipped the switch to turn on the rainbow colored lights on her wheels.

“LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!” Holtzmann bellowed, thrusting her fists in the air. Erin could only shake her head and giggle before the blonde grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into her lap.

“I’m gonna make you so happy,” Holtzmann whispered against Erin’s lips before kissing her soundly.

* * *

After a buffet reception with plenty of drinks, the newlyweds had escaped in a cab to their abode for the evening, a swanky NYC hotel room, leaving Abby and Patty to clear the rooftop of the remaining wedding attendees. This included Kevin, who had done so many shots of Jagermeister at Holtzy’s ill-advised urging that he had passed out face first on the reception-area couch.

The couple had “consummated the marriage” (as Holtzmann had said in a deep, dramatic voice) shortly after arriving, but not before the engineer insisted on carrying Erin “over the threshold” of the doorway of their hotel room by pulling her in her lap and doing a wheelie through the entrance.

Holtzmann kissed Erin’s sweaty forehead, both women nestled naked under a light sheet on the king-sized bed. The physicist snuggled closer to the blonde, putting her head on top of Holtzmann’s chest.

“It’s funny you know…” the engineer’s voice had a faraway quality to it as she looked up at the ceiling, tracing small circles on Erin’s bare back.

“What’s funny Holtzy?”

“I almost wonder…” the engineer tilted her head to look into her wife’s eyes. “I wonder if we would have gotten together like this had I not fallen out that window. Like maybe - maybe being paralyzed was a blessing in disguise.”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say that. I mean, I think we still would have gotten together. Eventually.”

“Maybe. You wouldn’t have been able to resist these charms for much longer.” Holtzmann moved to tickle Erin’s ribs, eliciting a squeal from the physicist.

Once she stopped giggling, Erin put her hand on Holtzmann’s cheek, drawing her closer.

“I don’t know what would have happened had you not had your accident, but this is all that matters now. You. Me. We’re together. For as long as you’ll have me.”

“That’ll be forever baby.” Holtzmann closed the gap between them, passionately kissing the physicist until they both had to pull away to catch their breaths.

“I love you Erin Gilbert,” Holtzmann breathed.

“I love you too Holtzmann. Forever.”

 

_I found a heart_

_She told me don't worry,_

_we can turn it into gold,_

_we can turn it into gold._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter was particularly bittersweet for me to write as I'm actually marrying my girlfriend of nearly 13 years in two days (it's a courthouse wedding, nothing fancy). I tried to limit the self-projecting in this, but you know...
> 
> Thanks as always to my fellow Holtzbro, Dreamshaper, for letting me bounce story ideas off her, giving me some ideas of her own and basically putting up with my general dorkiness *fist-bump*
> 
> The title of this fic and lyrics at the end of it come from ["Gold" by SQRD.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxWNx6KbvZY) I think the video is cool.
> 
> Anyway, thank y'all so much for reading this and all the kudos and kind comments. It really, really means a lot to me. And as always, you can find me acting a fool on tumblr - @geekmisconduct.


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